Long days

The days are long but the years are short. I've read that somewhere right? I've read it and thought "wow cliche" but man... They really are. Not just because if your a grown human your years do actually pass more quickly because of the fraction-ed out age math crap ... Lost myself there trying to get smart. But seriously. This season I'm in seems long. 

My little's are going thru some rough stuff. Owen has some special needs (we are getting professional help) and Henry is three...so...he hits and occasionally bites and is basically an emotional roller coaster the likes I never dreamed I would encounter (unless of course raising a teen aged girl...or just dealing with my own mind during a certain time of the month). 

We used to have this cork board where photos of family and friends as well as random bits of really nicely made children's art hung in our kitchen... It's currently covered in incentive(bribery) posters they cover the whole board! Stickers for this,stickers for that add up enough and I will buy you ice cream. It seems like it's helping? And why not praise good behavior? I run around all day trying to be consistently on top of the undesirable...at least there is a balance of sorts now... Or something. 

I just feel lack luster. I've lost the shine. I know why I love being a mom(intellectually)and why I love being home with my kiddos(deep down)... I just feel depressed. And down. And strapped energy and life and anything that seems to provide me with any joy. I need an incentive poster. I want stickers. I need ice cream. Like every day. For lunch. Ugh. 

Welp. That's where I'm at. 

Not pretty. Depressed. I know it's going to pass( I've been here before and it passes) I will ride it out. Or maybe even get some professional help myself. Lean into it. Into Him. Trust. Ugh. And learn something probably.

The days are long. But the years are short... And might I add that I know that there will be precious few of them. And I know I'm blessed beyond measure even in this extremely hard season. 

A moment of encouragement

Yesterday we ran around all morning gathering a couple small gifts for a friend who just had a baby(she is just the loveliest thing I've held in about 5 months!)

We stopped for specialty cupcakes(because a girl needs some sugar after she births out a baby!)Owen and Henry played with the bells on the door... I was ok with it the two boys had been on their best behavior all morning and they were not trying to open candy jars at the shop! We left and hopped in a few puddles for good measure and then got back into the car.

That's when I noticed that Owen had one of the bells...I asked if he took it(it honestly struck me as something Henry probably did) Owen said it was not Henry but himself who had taken the bell and he was instantly remorseful... Then I explained that taking things that we don't pay for in a store is stealing... And that is very wrong... Against gods laws even...which he knew.


We would have to do the right thing and return the bell. He said he was too shy to do it. So I said I would go in as well. I told him to walk up and give it back explain he had taken it and ask forgiveness for stealing.

He did.

They of course were super kind and very compassionate! (So every one in Salem Oregon should visit Sugar Sugar! They make amazing deserts and they are kind to your kids when they make mistakes!)

Then I got to feel a moment of such encouragement. He actually followed through with something big with out a big dramatic show. With out a tantrum. With out me having to swoop in and take over. Years of practicing reconciliation with his family! And now out in the world he is able. I don't know if he will ever steal again. He felt awful.
Which is a big lesson for him...
But I know that he is becoming more of himself and less a part of me. He is so capable. I was so proud. I am always base line proud...but this was different I was amazed by Jesus in my son today. And it felt so good. I hope there are so many more of these days. I expect there will be.


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5 things for hope spoken (better late than never as always)

My name is Dana I'm the wife of a stellar man named Michael( that's him in the photo with me... We don't usually wear matching plaid...like never.)
I'm a stay at home/homeschool mother of Owen and Henry(these boys have changed my life and helped me in radical ways)!



We all live together in our little1926 home in a really cool neighborhood in Salem Oregon! Oh! My sister and niece live with us as well! It's a zoo of people at times but we all love each other and make it work.

Hope spoken...I know for me it's not easy to go to things like this. Women scare me. They always have. Which is funny because I'm clearly one myself... Odd I know. I just have never had any easy time feeling at home in a big group of females... In fact it makes my skin crawl thinking of all the noise, noise,noise!



And yet! The Lord has been doing a work on my heart in this area for the last few years (quadrupling my heart for ladies the way the grinches was quadrupled for the Hoo's...Eh?) and so when a good friend asked me if I wanted to go... I just said yes. And my amazing husband has been making it happen.

I honestly don't have any expectations at all. I have no way to know what this event will be like...
But I have a hope... I hope and pray that I have the guts to come and let myself be real. The real me not the one with the happy face drawn on. And that others do the same? We all drop our pretense at the door and become transparent for the weekend... Wouldn't that be nice? exciting even!

One thing I'm worried about: I'm literally one of the most awkward persons alive. I often have a really random sense of humor and I insert my feet in my pie hole pretty much every day and because of that...I am totally freaked out that no one will like/get me.



Something interesting about me? I like to karaoke... Anything from the 80's or early 90's. And since I live in a relatively small town doing karaoke usually means going to the utterly worst bars of all time... Which randomly Im willing to overlook
(I mean these places are seriously gross) for the sake of a fun time singing my heart out to Tiffany's rendition of "I think were alone now"

I'm sure I could say more about myself if pressed but this post seems long enough already.

If you actually come find my post from the link up say hi! I will try to do the same :)

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Some mornings start out with highest hopes dusted off,mercies new,and fresh grace. Only for me to spoil it all by donning clothes of selfishness. Hardness instead of meekness, and pride instead of humility. I am reminded immediately in down turned face of my hurt child that this is not who I was intended to be...not who I want to be... I am so grateful for forgiveness so epic,
so vast...for grace. For mercy! I am glad that I have the rest of today to dust off those hopes and use some mercies... And be grateful again. It's still early.



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On mothering: part 2

Countless seasoned moms advised me to teach my children to "obey all the way right a way" so I did. I tried countless ways to enforce first time obedience...

Not anymore. Because I can't obey that way. My heart isn't built that way either. Obeying is hard work. And often I fail to do it at all... never mind right away or all they way.

I feel grateful everyday to have a savior who is faithful to guid me gently back when I am unable to obey. Because sometimes I choose me. And what I want. I choose to not love Him most. But He always comes back and is faithful to show me what the expectation is,for my life,or for that day, or for that moment.

And I want to be like THAT for my kids. I want to show up and be faithful and gentle. Giving the expectation and even when it is not met... Because sometimes my kids are going to choose what they want more(because they are tiny and they are sinners and those two things add up)... I want to be faithful to guide them back
helping to gently remind them. That obeying is hard work,but it is worth it.

It show Jesus we love Him, it brings Him glory, it draws us nearer to Him, it helps our lives go well as we walk on this earth. But He will be faithful to help us every time we fail, because only He didn't fail.


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Being a Mother

I am one... But I have no idea what I'm doing half the time. I have been stumbling along this path for the last 6.5 years not knowing which way was up and always thinking "maybe this time I have it figured"



I give bits of advice here and there and think "man I hope that works out" but I am no expert.



I'm really just trying everyday to seek out what motherhood is. What it's supposed to be. For real. And how to do it well.

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Phone dump

Time to dump some of memories I have stored on my phone. Here is how we have been doing life lately.




Henry gets his first hair cut!!





We go for walks. And hold our buddies hands.






We build forts



Play construction



Puddle jump




Learn about tanks




Take our train everywhere




Watch movies.




Snuggle




We Make the faces.
This life is golden. Most of all we love. A lot.

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Early

Early morning and a broken shower led me ti think this morning may be starting out not so great...
But then
Small lessons on love and generosity over colored plates that lead to big ones about going to His throne for help. I'm loving new freedoms I'm finding in this home when I realize I'm not their only problem solver.
This day will be what it will. And I will try my best to give them grace. Because I have already in these wee small hours been shown it.
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The las two weeks have been brutal. I have been struggling with kidney stones. Struggling? Is that the right sentiment? Maybe "suffering from" is better? I don't really know... It's been awful. I hate kidney stones! HATE!



I found out I had them two weeks ago and then tried to pass them for over a week...no luck there. So then I had surgery and the urologist got the big daddy stone out and broke the other big ones inside my kidney up... He installed a stint(the stint of pain)
To help me to heal...not exactly sure how...something about keeping the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder from swelling shut. Sounds good just wish it did not hurt so darn bad!



Tomorrow it comes out and I'm praying all will go back to normal. No more stones. No more pain. No more me living on the couch and most of all no more awful pain meds!

Pray with me? That tomorrow will be the end of this little journey.
Thank you!




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Planting.

For a couple years now we have prayed,dreamed,hoped,talked about and planned for a church in our neighborhood. A community of people centered on the gospel of Jesus. A people who live a life full of love for Jesus and poor that love out on the thirsty in our community.

We knew that the timing would be the Lords not ours and that with prayer the people that would gather would be His provision. But we were scared to step out. Maybe Noah was scared to start building that massive boat too? That's how I felt... Like we were doing something a little odd... Because we aren't the only gig in town. There are other churches you know? But still we heard Him calling us to follow and obey.

So we did.

And like He did with Noah he provided. The rain came. People came. They come. And we are a community of people working to love each other just like those folks in Acts...

Praying,eating,worshiping,serving each other,revering Gods word, and trying to poor into the neighborhood around us.

It is a new un-charted territory. We are constantly reminded of how much we need Him. Of how simple acts of love and worship are glorifying. And how deeply His grace sustains us daily.
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I never knew

I guess I noticed for the first time that you were different when your brother developed so much differently than you... Not just a personality of his own(that was clear from day two) but maybe around 18 month development ?

I guess I noticed things were off but I kept shoving them under the carpet because "you were a perfect baby/chid" how could something really be off... It was probably just me being lazy at the parenting wheel.

But the gaps just kept getting larger and the differences more noticeable.



You are still perfect to me. Just not the same as other kids. You have a learning disability in frustration tolerance and handling flexibility. You view the world in a way completely new to me. You are a bit of a loner. You are not into trying new things and you have only lied one time in your life...last month... It was pathetic. Your emotional and challenging. You dont seem to understand mental projection...Your also earnest, companionate, kind and willing to help.

You are mine.



And even tho there are definitely some things about you I never knew... I love them. You were fearfully and wonderfully made! Made to bring a good God glory! And you will! You do! You challenge me in ways I never could have known I could stretch. You bring me joy. God loved me in such a big way he gave me you child... A boy unlike the rest. One who he made just for me. I am blessed to be your mom and I am not ashamed that you are not just like everyone else. I am proud of every hair on your head.



Our lives will be different sometimes... I won't get to be as sarcastic and you'll need to tone down the Dino impressions in public(among other things) but we will grow and learn how to love each other well. In ways we never knew we could.
Love momma.



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Well it's a new year...

It seems really anticlimactic this year. Maybe it was because I had the stomach flu on New Year's Eve and missed the ringing it in?

Well any way we had a good year in 2012. In many ways it was hard and I was challenged and stretched to the nth degree...but over all I think it was good.

I have been given so many good gifts for which I am exceedingly grateful... These are my favorite












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Happenings

Just a quick post to share a few things



Mg makes amazing pie! Like stellar... Our if this world gluten free pie!



Henry loves to read "gooks" and those tiny toes still melt my heart



When we go on walks Owen brings a wooden rifle and a book...every time... I'm guessing he feels safe and smart?



I let my kids play in the "gutter" out side my yard... Because they like to and it's good for them to get fresh air?



I've learned to make really yummy non dairy coffee drinks at home... It's been great.



Henry loves to wait for Papa to come home.



My kids really like drinking water out of mugs...

That's all for now

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Clean water

The other day all I could think about was water. How amazingly grateful I am to live I a place where there is clean fresh water! Where we daily have access to it.
We are a blessed people who get to wash our bodies, and dishes, and dirty clothes, all in the very cleanest of water.
I was pondering all of this at great length because I was sick with the stomach flu. And that day I was so thirsty I could hardly stand it. But for a while I couldn't keep even the smallest amount of water in my body. All I wanted to was go to the fridge(well send mg I was far to week for walking there) and get some cold water out of our Brita filter(double clean) and gulp the whole glass down.


But I could not. I had to show restraint and take tiny sips. I had to let ice melt in my mouth so I wouldn't drink too fast. I thought about how lucky I was to only have the problem that I had. That my only concern was showing some self control. That I have access to water all of the time and will probably never want for a clean drink. (Or ice chip)
I also thought of Jesus and the woman at the well(how could I not i was thirsty!)how he told her that if she would have asked Him for a drink He would give her living water. Living water. I'm really grateful for this as well. Because when sin-like the flu- makes me sick and I'm thirsty on the inside, in my heart, I can ask Jesus for a drink and He will fill me with his living water! His water will heal me instantly. This is crazy beautiful.
I am so grateful I can drink the water that has been freely pored out for me here. In this land and from my savior.
Check this out if your heart is thirsty today. It's crazy beautiful too.
Woman at the well
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I read other blogs..."let's get praisy"

So there's this blog I read... Called "Hello from the Nato's"and I love it. I think Jamie is funny and her heart for Jesus is amazing! And there are hundreds of other things I could say as well but I won't because I'm not a gusher... Go check it you will like it too.
Ok so on her blog she is doing the crazy funny thing called "let's get praisy" and normally if I heard something was called that I would high tail it in the other direction, but I read what it was first-because it was her-and she said I might win something...
Basically it's this competition where you listen to ANY
music and try to hear the gospel in the lyrics. then you write your lyrics down and the corresponding bible verse... then link up to her blog with your song choice/choices(up to 5)and then on Friday a winner is chosen. You get the idea...
This will be my first entry




Hope this works... I'm doing it from my iPhone because my computer is just moving a block of colors around instead of working...
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Quitter

Life seems to keep getting in the way of the blogging once a day thing. So I have decided to officially give up trying. I have a few more ideas left for the month so I hope to still post those but I won't be trying to get here everyday.
I gave it my best shot... And even that was sorta sketchy. Lol.
So here's me resigning national blog posting whatever...
Hope your weekend was good. Mine was packed full of friends and family and if I was a better blogger I'm sure I would write more about it but instead I'm going to make dinner for my family and enjoy movie night! Yay!!


Our new table!
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Migraine update

Well I posted a while back about my migraines and how life with them is difficult...so I thought I would update a bit about how my treatment has been going.

I am currently still taking an anti seizure medication to help reduce the frequency of the migraines and that has helped quite a a bit. I am no longer getting them weekly! I do however still suffer from anywhere from 1-6 monthly. This is still a very large decrease and a huge blessing.

I was also for a while using a progesterone cream to help reduce some of the remaining headaches but the cream seamed to have some odd side effects for me emotionally so I am taking a break from that(which is a little scary because it seemed to be helping quite a lot).

In all honesty I have come to a place where coping with the migraines is easier and because they are less frequent I feel way less burdened by them. Also I have been made aware of an allergy to acetaminophen in the process which is super helpful. Plus another major bonus...the anti seizure medication has had a nice side effect of helping me in loosing some extra weight which I have always struggled to do in all my healthy endeavors.


So all in all I can see the Lords hand through this suffering. How He has used a painful thing to bring me something good. Isn't that just like Him? To give us gifts where we least expect?

So that is where I'm at with migraines. Better than before... Still enduring a while longer and seeing Jesus in the midst. Not a terrible place.


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A blog a day

I'm trying really hard to do that thing... You know the one where you blog every day for a month? But today I'm not sure what to say...
So I will just say this... Today mg took us all out for breakfast! He works in politics so last night was a long one for him and he treated us to celebrate campaigns being over.



I had this. Bre asparagus ham omelet with Yukon potatoes! It was delish! And the company wasn't half bad either...


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Then and Now

Way back then in-San Gimignano-when I bought this tiny pink cup I had no idea that a tiny boy would one day sip from it every morning.


I had no clue if my tiny glass would even make it home from my trip from Italy in my clumsy care. And now ten years later not only have I managed to keep the tiny pink glass safe but-I have somehow by the grace of God-managed to keep two children safe as well...


Back then I would have laughed hysterically at the idea of me keeping children alive... But here I am... Now! A full blown momma living and breathing the job. Loving TWO boys... and loving that they are mine!
And I still enjoy that tiny pink glass (and all the fine memories the "then's" hold) as I watch tiny boy hands grasp it.
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Sick momma

So maybe what Henry had was a stomach ache... A bad one... One that oscillated between bad cramps,nausea, and extreme hunger(only when you feed the hunger your stomach gets angrier)?

That's what this lady has had all day... And yesterday... Uhg. And yuck. And bleh for good measure.

On a higher note Hank seems to be feeling slightly better...


Yay.
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