On mothering: part 2

Countless seasoned moms advised me to teach my children to "obey all the way right a way" so I did. I tried countless ways to enforce first time obedience...

Not anymore. Because I can't obey that way. My heart isn't built that way either. Obeying is hard work. And often I fail to do it at all... never mind right away or all they way.

I feel grateful everyday to have a savior who is faithful to guid me gently back when I am unable to obey. Because sometimes I choose me. And what I want. I choose to not love Him most. But He always comes back and is faithful to show me what the expectation is,for my life,or for that day, or for that moment.

And I want to be like THAT for my kids. I want to show up and be faithful and gentle. Giving the expectation and even when it is not met... Because sometimes my kids are going to choose what they want more(because they are tiny and they are sinners and those two things add up)... I want to be faithful to guide them back
helping to gently remind them. That obeying is hard work,but it is worth it.

It show Jesus we love Him, it brings Him glory, it draws us nearer to Him, it helps our lives go well as we walk on this earth. But He will be faithful to help us every time we fail, because only He didn't fail.


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Being a Mother

I am one... But I have no idea what I'm doing half the time. I have been stumbling along this path for the last 6.5 years not knowing which way was up and always thinking "maybe this time I have it figured"



I give bits of advice here and there and think "man I hope that works out" but I am no expert.



I'm really just trying everyday to seek out what motherhood is. What it's supposed to be. For real. And how to do it well.

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Phone dump

Time to dump some of memories I have stored on my phone. Here is how we have been doing life lately.




Henry gets his first hair cut!!





We go for walks. And hold our buddies hands.






We build forts



Play construction



Puddle jump




Learn about tanks




Take our train everywhere




Watch movies.




Snuggle




We Make the faces.
This life is golden. Most of all we love. A lot.

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Early

Early morning and a broken shower led me ti think this morning may be starting out not so great...
But then
Small lessons on love and generosity over colored plates that lead to big ones about going to His throne for help. I'm loving new freedoms I'm finding in this home when I realize I'm not their only problem solver.
This day will be what it will. And I will try my best to give them grace. Because I have already in these wee small hours been shown it.
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The las two weeks have been brutal. I have been struggling with kidney stones. Struggling? Is that the right sentiment? Maybe "suffering from" is better? I don't really know... It's been awful. I hate kidney stones! HATE!



I found out I had them two weeks ago and then tried to pass them for over a week...no luck there. So then I had surgery and the urologist got the big daddy stone out and broke the other big ones inside my kidney up... He installed a stint(the stint of pain)
To help me to heal...not exactly sure how...something about keeping the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder from swelling shut. Sounds good just wish it did not hurt so darn bad!



Tomorrow it comes out and I'm praying all will go back to normal. No more stones. No more pain. No more me living on the couch and most of all no more awful pain meds!

Pray with me? That tomorrow will be the end of this little journey.
Thank you!




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Planting.

For a couple years now we have prayed,dreamed,hoped,talked about and planned for a church in our neighborhood. A community of people centered on the gospel of Jesus. A people who live a life full of love for Jesus and poor that love out on the thirsty in our community.

We knew that the timing would be the Lords not ours and that with prayer the people that would gather would be His provision. But we were scared to step out. Maybe Noah was scared to start building that massive boat too? That's how I felt... Like we were doing something a little odd... Because we aren't the only gig in town. There are other churches you know? But still we heard Him calling us to follow and obey.

So we did.

And like He did with Noah he provided. The rain came. People came. They come. And we are a community of people working to love each other just like those folks in Acts...

Praying,eating,worshiping,serving each other,revering Gods word, and trying to poor into the neighborhood around us.

It is a new un-charted territory. We are constantly reminded of how much we need Him. Of how simple acts of love and worship are glorifying. And how deeply His grace sustains us daily.
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I never knew

I guess I noticed for the first time that you were different when your brother developed so much differently than you... Not just a personality of his own(that was clear from day two) but maybe around 18 month development ?

I guess I noticed things were off but I kept shoving them under the carpet because "you were a perfect baby/chid" how could something really be off... It was probably just me being lazy at the parenting wheel.

But the gaps just kept getting larger and the differences more noticeable.



You are still perfect to me. Just not the same as other kids. You have a learning disability in frustration tolerance and handling flexibility. You view the world in a way completely new to me. You are a bit of a loner. You are not into trying new things and you have only lied one time in your life...last month... It was pathetic. Your emotional and challenging. You dont seem to understand mental projection...Your also earnest, companionate, kind and willing to help.

You are mine.



And even tho there are definitely some things about you I never knew... I love them. You were fearfully and wonderfully made! Made to bring a good God glory! And you will! You do! You challenge me in ways I never could have known I could stretch. You bring me joy. God loved me in such a big way he gave me you child... A boy unlike the rest. One who he made just for me. I am blessed to be your mom and I am not ashamed that you are not just like everyone else. I am proud of every hair on your head.



Our lives will be different sometimes... I won't get to be as sarcastic and you'll need to tone down the Dino impressions in public(among other things) but we will grow and learn how to love each other well. In ways we never knew we could.
Love momma.



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