Thursday, February 13, 2014

Long days

The days are long but the years are short. I've read that somewhere right? I've read it and thought "wow cliche" but man... They really are. Not just because if your a grown human your years do actually pass more quickly because of the fraction-ed out age math crap ... Lost myself there trying to get smart. But seriously. This season I'm in seems long. 

My little's are going thru some rough stuff. Owen has some special needs (we are getting professional help) and Henry is hits and occasionally bites and is basically an emotional roller coaster the likes I never dreamed I would encounter (unless of course raising a teen aged girl...or just dealing with my own mind during a certain time of the month). 

We used to have this cork board where photos of family and friends as well as random bits of really nicely made children's art hung in our kitchen... It's currently covered in incentive(bribery) posters they cover the whole board! Stickers for this,stickers for that add up enough and I will buy you ice cream. It seems like it's helping? And why not praise good behavior? I run around all day trying to be consistently on top of the least there is a balance of sorts now... Or something. 

I just feel lack luster. I've lost the shine. I know why I love being a mom(intellectually)and why I love being home with my kiddos(deep down)... I just feel depressed. And down. And strapped energy and life and anything that seems to provide me with any joy. I need an incentive poster. I want stickers. I need ice cream. Like every day. For lunch. Ugh. 
Welp. That's where I'm at. 
Not pretty. Depressed. I know it's going to pass( I've been here before and it passes) I will ride it out. Or maybe even get some professional help myself. Lean into it. Into Him. Trust. Ugh. And learn something probably.
The days are long. But the years are short... And might I add that I know that there will be precious few of them. And I know I'm blessed beyond measure even in this extremely hard season. 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

A moment of encouragement

Yesterday we ran around all morning gathering a couple small gifts for a friend who just had a baby(she is just the loveliest thing I've held in about 5 months!)

We stopped for specialty cupcakes(because a girl needs some sugar after she births out a baby!)Owen and Henry played with the bells on the door... I was ok with it the two boys had been on their best behavior all morning and they were not trying to open candy jars at the shop! We left and hopped in a few puddles for good measure and then got back into the car.

That's when I noticed that Owen had one of the bells...I asked if he took it(it honestly struck me as something Henry probably did) Owen said it was not Henry but himself who had taken the bell and he was instantly remorseful... Then I explained that taking things that we don't pay for in a store is stealing... And that is very wrong... Against gods laws even...which he knew.

We would have to do the right thing and return the bell. He said he was too shy to do it. So I said I would go in as well. I told him to walk up and give it back explain he had taken it and ask forgiveness for stealing.

He did.

They of course were super kind and very compassionate! (So every one in Salem Oregon should visit Sugar Sugar! They make amazing deserts and they are kind to your kids when they make mistakes!)

Then I got to feel a moment of such encouragement. He actually followed through with something big with out a big dramatic show. With out a tantrum. With out me having to swoop in and take over. Years of practicing reconciliation with his family! And now out in the world he is able. I don't know if he will ever steal again. He felt awful.
Which is a big lesson for him...
But I know that he is becoming more of himself and less a part of me. He is so capable. I was so proud. I am always base line proud...but this was different I was amazed by Jesus in my son today. And it felt so good. I hope there are so many more of these days. I expect there will be.

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Saturday, November 2, 2013

5 things for hope spoken (better late than never as always)

My name is Dana I'm the wife of a stellar man named Michael( that's him in the photo with me... We don't usually wear matching never.)
I'm a stay at home/homeschool mother of Owen and Henry(these boys have changed my life and helped me in radical ways)!

We all live together in our little1926 home in a really cool neighborhood in Salem Oregon! Oh! My sister and niece live with us as well! It's a zoo of people at times but we all love each other and make it work.

Hope spoken...I know for me it's not easy to go to things like this. Women scare me. They always have. Which is funny because I'm clearly one myself... Odd I know. I just have never had any easy time feeling at home in a big group of females... In fact it makes my skin crawl thinking of all the noise, noise,noise!

And yet! The Lord has been doing a work on my heart in this area for the last few years (quadrupling my heart for ladies the way the grinches was quadrupled for the Hoo's...Eh?) and so when a good friend asked me if I wanted to go... I just said yes. And my amazing husband has been making it happen.

I honestly don't have any expectations at all. I have no way to know what this event will be like...
But I have a hope... I hope and pray that I have the guts to come and let myself be real. The real me not the one with the happy face drawn on. And that others do the same? We all drop our pretense at the door and become transparent for the weekend... Wouldn't that be nice? exciting even!

One thing I'm worried about: I'm literally one of the most awkward persons alive. I often have a really random sense of humor and I insert my feet in my pie hole pretty much every day and because of that...I am totally freaked out that no one will like/get me.

Something interesting about me? I like to karaoke... Anything from the 80's or early 90's. And since I live in a relatively small town doing karaoke usually means going to the utterly worst bars of all time... Which randomly Im willing to overlook
(I mean these places are seriously gross) for the sake of a fun time singing my heart out to Tiffany's rendition of "I think were alone now"

I'm sure I could say more about myself if pressed but this post seems long enough already.

If you actually come find my post from the link up say hi! I will try to do the same :)

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Saturday, October 12, 2013

Some mornings start out with highest hopes dusted off,mercies new,and fresh grace. Only for me to spoil it all by donning clothes of selfishness. Hardness instead of meekness, and pride instead of humility. I am reminded immediately in down turned face of my hurt child that this is not who I was intended to be...not who I want to be... I am so grateful for forgiveness so epic,
so vast...for grace. For mercy! I am glad that I have the rest of today to dust off those hopes and use some mercies... And be grateful again. It's still early.

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Tuesday, July 9, 2013

On mothering: part 2

Countless seasoned moms advised me to teach my children to "obey all the way right a way" so I did. I tried countless ways to enforce first time obedience...

Not anymore. Because I can't obey that way. My heart isn't built that way either. Obeying is hard work. And often I fail to do it at all... never mind right away or all they way.

I feel grateful everyday to have a savior who is faithful to guid me gently back when I am unable to obey. Because sometimes I choose me. And what I want. I choose to not love Him most. But He always comes back and is faithful to show me what the expectation is,for my life,or for that day, or for that moment.

And I want to be like THAT for my kids. I want to show up and be faithful and gentle. Giving the expectation and even when it is not met... Because sometimes my kids are going to choose what they want more(because they are tiny and they are sinners and those two things add up)... I want to be faithful to guide them back
helping to gently remind them. That obeying is hard work,but it is worth it.

It show Jesus we love Him, it brings Him glory, it draws us nearer to Him, it helps our lives go well as we walk on this earth. But He will be faithful to help us every time we fail, because only He didn't fail.

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Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Being a Mother

I am one... But I have no idea what I'm doing half the time. I have been stumbling along this path for the last 6.5 years not knowing which way was up and always thinking "maybe this time I have it figured"

I give bits of advice here and there and think "man I hope that works out" but I am no expert.

I'm really just trying everyday to seek out what motherhood is. What it's supposed to be. For real. And how to do it well.

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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Phone dump

Time to dump some of memories I have stored on my phone. Here is how we have been doing life lately.

Henry gets his first hair cut!!

We go for walks. And hold our buddies hands.

We build forts

Play construction

Puddle jump

Learn about tanks

Take our train everywhere

Watch movies.


We Make the faces.
This life is golden. Most of all we love. A lot.

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