The way it really is: being the crazy lady

About a week ago I lost our radio face thing at Fred Myers...well Henry technically lost it but I am in charge of him so I will take the blame. Today I went back(after calling several times) to see if customer service had it...and to check in the big car cart we used(it had this creepy whole where I just knew lost items would love to hangout) I asked customer service if anyone turned it in...nope. I asked the manager if he could take apart the cart and look in the creepy whole...his face told me everything I needed to know...I was that lady the really crazy one who asks the most outrageous stuff of the store managers...I was my gram. Uhg.

Any way he looked and even tried reaching in...no luck. He did find a thing of bubbles, an old sock, a blue binky that I am pretty sure belonged to us(we lost one the same day as the radio but we are always loosing them so who knows), a pack of gum, half a granola bar, and someones phone. He said he would ask his boss to look into it further but did not ask for my contact info so I am pretty sure he was just saying that. He was nice to me but he had this look on his face the whole time that said"this woman is nuts and I will say anything to get her to forget this cart thing". So I walked away and did my shopping only to find him  and another employee laughing as I passed...no doubt discussing my delusion of my car stereo face residing in a cart...sigh. I cant care that they thought I was weird  tho.

If you know me well you know that is my cars 6th stereo. I am embarrassed to admit it but to my credit usually its not my fault when we have to get a new one... usually its because someone steals it out of our car. Any way it may be a while before we save up enough to get a new one...they are expensive! And we have literally purchased 6 of them...if only car toys had a punch card for this.  Who knows maybe it will eventually turn up at Freds...got to keep the dream alive.

on the plus side...gf pretzels on sale!

Lessons learned from MG

So I have been suffering from migraines for the last 3 months. I have literally had probably 5 days where I had no headache at all and only a handful of days when the headache didn't escalate to a full blown migraine. It has been rough to say the least.

I have been less than able to preform cursory tasks in the home and I have been dealing with pain pretty much all the time. My kids have suffered and my husband has taken up a ton of the slack...he is already really busy with work and ministry so I feel bad when I have a day when I can do nothing but sleep(if only I were able to enjoy it). I feel like I am useless and a burden and I hate feeling that way.

Joy in long baby lashes

I was crying the other night as mg cared for our children and I lay helpless on the couch... a prisoner of the pain racking my brain... I told him how badly I felt that he had to do my job as well as his. He just said "why? This is the day God gave me and I am fine with it" That touched my heart so much. That my sweet mg wasn't bogged down by doing triple duty but in fact he saw it as a gift from God...a part of the good works that God has set aside for him and only him to do...an area he could use to show Gods glory. He didn't say as much but I could see it...the love of Christ shining through him... and it was lovely.

Joy in brothers playing together

Then later this weekend mg taught at church, his message was on Titus 3 and he asked us what distracts us from the the story God is telling in the world and in my life? What takes the place in our mind where insisting on Gods truths should be? He said it better than that though. Any way... I have been thinking about that a lot. And now I know that one of those things for me is migraines. They distract me. I also have been considering how God gives us what He has planned for us each day, special acts of good-or sometimes just attitudes-that reflect him...and sometimes those things come in a package that isn't so pretty(like headaches) sometimes they even cause us pain. And the way we react to them is the way we can reflect the love and(hopefully)the glory of God. I have been doing a cruddy job.

Can I be Fine with what God has planned for me? Can I sit there in the pain of a migraine and see the work of God in my life? Can my attitude be good? Can I still find a way to shine for Him? Usually I just feel sorry for myself(and very rarely)I consider the fact that there could still be joy there-I consider it then dismiss it as a funny thought-but funny it is not. I can still find joy here in this day. I can be fine with the day God has given me and I will be.

Joy in patting the bunny

I can learn here and lean on Him. I can praise Him that not every day is a Migraine day. Praise Him for I am still (even while suffering with intense headaches) receiving His grace and getting more than I deserve(which is death). Migraines are a distraction from his work in my life. When my head hurts I don't remember who I was before and who He is and what He has done in my life...all I know is pain. I don't want that to be the case any longer, I want to win! and even if I still suffer with physical pain I want to win the battle for my mind while I suffer. I want to always remember to rejoice! To insist on the truth. That He is good and He is strong and that He loves me. That He took this rebel to His cause and held me close and called me daughter...That He healed me and grew me and nurtured my heart. That He still Is and will always be the only one who can deliver me. I want to do His good works big and small in my life. Sometimes that may be just having a cheerful attitude and loving those around me and other times it may be sacrificing something I want to do what my family needs. I do not want to be distracted even in the rough spots because being inflicted can be a gift. I want to see it that way from now on...as a gift-as something God has given to me for that day-and I want to do it well for Him even when it hurts.

Joy in chocolate

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
So we do not loose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.  As we look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen, for the things that are unseen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal. 
Revelations 21:4 
he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more,  neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, for the former things have passed away,

Getting Grace...teaching them about it

Today on facebook I read an article about a Dad who mistreated his child in public and a blogger who was angry enough to write a 3 page entry about the subject of "breaking your child". It made me sad. Not just the part about the mistreatment of children(tho that makes me very very sad) but because-well-I guess what it boils down to is That I believe in Grace. Grace given to us by God when we are at our worst and Grace extended by us to those around us when they are at theirs.

I hate when I make mistakes in parenting. When I yell at Owen or become frustrated with Henry I feel horrible. I hate when those things happen...but happen they do. Sometimes they even happen in public. I wish I were perfect and that I didn't ever feel the sinful need to be selfish and want things my way. I wish I never thought that my needs were more important than my kids needs and that I alwys was able to parent out of love... but that just isn't me...and it isn't you either regardless of what you may think. Not many of us can say that we have never had a terrible sinful moment where in anger we sinfully parented our children. I know I cant at least...

I also know that by the power that raised Christ from the dead I am able to obtain forgiveness when I sin against my children. I ask the Lord to forgive me then I ask my child to forgive me. Then I use the whole mess to teach my willing, eager sponges about the most beautiful gift we are all given...Grace. I tell Owen all the time that I need Jesus too. That I also have a hard time with my attitude and that I need God to forgive me and renew a right spirit within me. I tell him that God is faithful and that he shows his children mercy when we ask forgiveness and that he gives us Grace for free as a gift. I teach him these things after I sin against him so that he can see Christs redemptive work in my heart and life and so when it comes time for him to get some Grace he will know how to ask for the same. So he will understand that God will not disappoint. So that he too can know that God does truly make beautiful things out of us...that He even uses our sin to show us His love, His power, and His Grace. How amazing is that?

So if you see me in the store check-out yelling at my children(oh how I hope you never will) please stop and pray for me...that I will realize my sin quickly and repent even faster...get the Grace I need to survive...and please everyone lets give each-other a tiny fraction of the Grace God gives us and try not to judge to harshly. Just so you know MG tells me this all the time... as I too often forget to give others the Grace I so dearly love

And from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace
John 1:16


For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified by His Grace as a gift, through the redemption the is Christ Jesus, 
Romans 3:23-24

Cherry Blossom Time...again

It was time to hit the cherry blossoms at the capitol mall again so this year we went with our friends(and neighbor) Angela and her precious son Bennett...(you can check them out here at Little Bird if you want to see more of B's adorable face) because we didn't want to wait until after MG got off work and risk loosing our only chance at sunshine...
It is 90% chance of rain for the rest of spring practically.

They really are so lovely.

Super Hank flying through the blossoms.

Sweet big baby growing way too fast...

Brothers 

My two littles with cute(and very edible) Bennett.

And here is another sweet boy who just wont stop growing
despite my constant recommendations that he do so 

So big and still so little...
I really adore him.

Our state Capital...
where MG works
and where the Cherry blossoms abound.

Say fair well because we may not
have sun again for weeks.

A song I love

There is this song I love... "Oh love that will not let me go" by George Matheson.
Here are the lyrics

1. O Love that wilt not let me go,
   I rest my weary soul in thee;
   I give thee back the life I owe,
   That in thine ocean depths its flow
   May richer, fuller be.
2. O light that foll’west all my way,
   I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
   My heart restores its borrowed ray,
   That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
   May brighter, fairer be.
3. O Joy that seekest me through pain,
   I cannot close my heart to thee;
   I trace the rainbow through the rain,
   And feel the promise is not vain,
   That morn shall tearless be.
4. O Cross that liftest up my head,
   I dare not ask to fly from thee;
   I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
   And from the ground there blossoms red
   Life that shall endless be.
5. My favorite is the third verse. I sing it to my self in times of stress, and depression, and just when I have been hit with sickness and low energy(like today). This song is my all time favorite hymn it encourages me to look to the truth and helps me remember what my hope is in...and that hope sustains me. 
6. Here is a link to my favorite cover of it.  
7. Enjoy!!

Spring Falls

Yesterday we spent the entire afternoon well from 3ish till 7 at Silver Creek Falls (one of my favorite places on earth).
We went with a few gals while all of our husbands went to IKEA to pick up a bed....the ladies hiked while the men went to IKEA... well we had a great time even if it was a little backwards.


The greeness (not sure if that is a word) of this place is out of this world. The smell there is what heaven must smell like...damp and mossy like earth and rain... and...well... green.

We hiked...Owen hiked almost the whole way on his own.


We rested.


We blazed our own trail...Which led us to the very edge of a huge waterfall!!


We goofed around and took fun photos


We celebrated having happy kiddos...Lydia is always such a cutie.


All the ladies loved on my sweet little.


To prove I was indeed there

Owen and the ladies.


Owen has been talking about his "real adventure at the waterfalls" to anyone who will listen all day long. He was truly in awe of the massive "towers of water". It is so cool to watch him be aware of beauty and greatness.

Early Start

Today started at 5:30 am at my Moms house In Dallas,OR(we are house sitting) when Owen decided not to fall back to sleep. I got up and found some books for him then hobbled up to shower. Owen followed me up there and played a toy drum-for what I am sure he thought was my benefit-while I showered.
At 6:30 we colored for an hour then took MG into Salem for work.
7:45 Starbucks drive through venti unsweetened ice coffee.
At 8 am we considered running but decided not to do until later.
By 9 am I felt like it should be noon.
At10:30 play date at park...such a beautiful day almost forgot to be tired...
11am Finished coffee
1pm Owen finding a way not to sleep during nap time! How is he not dead tired right now?
2:27 grateful to have a running Buddie date, for a sweet natured little boy, for the sunshine,that I don't have to cook dinner tonight, for enough to get through, for the fact that hard days can still be good ones.

especially when you find pictures like these.

Mothers Day

Mothers day went off with out a hitch! I slept in (well slept longer than the guys anyway),Then was showered with love and given some nice little prizes-one of which is this nifty little device you stick in your shoe and then it magically tracks your distance and speed while you run and gives you encouragement via your i-pod, then it loads all on to the inter-webs and keeps record of all your runs!!! So impressed I cant even tell you-then we went to church and had MGs family over for deseret. All in all a rather nice little day.

Mostly all day I kept being super grateful for Owen. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be this person I am today...I wouldn't be a momma and wouldn't have anyone showering me with love and prizes. But most of all I wouldn't know how it feels to love someone so fiercely it hurts sometimes and I would even be aware that My own Momma loves me this way(funny how having a child makes you see your own parents so differently). It is a great realization. Being a mom is a wonderful gift(not always the easiest)the best gift I think.

His hair will grow,it will grow,it will grow...

A Day with Friends.

This weekend M.G was at the mens version of the "cru retreat" I went to last weekend. SO Owen and I were flyin solo. Last night a couple of nice ladies came over for dinner and stayed till Owen went down for bed. That's always the hardest time for me to be alone. I was really grateful they were able to stick around.



When M.G is gone its always hard to get up the motivation to do anything fun on my own, so this time a friend and I planned a park play-date in advance. Such a relief to have some fun outside time planned to break up the day.


We went to the park and ate a picnic lunch with Miss Lisa, Maddie, Nathan, Melanie, and Tiny Judah.


Maddie and Nathan got on top of the crooked house thing and stayed up there for a long time watching and filming squirrels.

We let the kids play for 2.5 hours It was perfect weather for the park. Then we took the kiddos for ice cream. It was the perfect way to spend a Saturday with out the Papa.



Papa will be home late tonight... in time to let me sleep in a little on Mothers Day! Yay!

Owen has been asking after Papas where-a-bouts all day. This boy misses the big man a lot!

Running Update

I realized that I haven't given and update on the running recently so I thought I would let you all know how its going.

I am still running any where from 2-4 times a week. I can run 3miles without stopping but rarely do since I always have a small person demanding one thing or another from his front row seat.



An sometimes we run with friends so that makes the stopping even more frequent. But it makes the running way more fun!



I have realized that running is a super stress relief for me. I know lots of people who run for health(which is awesome) or weight loss (which lets face it, if that were to happen I would be stoked) but for me its seriously about sanity. Maybe its something in the steady intake of breath and the rhythm of my feet hitting the ground. Or it could be the extra vitamin D. I don't know what it is but its like therapy for me.

So... that's the update. Running is a part of my life now. I may set goals to run farther distances or to speed up the pace a little but for now I am just glad that doing it brings me joy.

Owen vs The Hair Cut

So I have always cut Owens hair. This weekend I began the regular process to chop off some of the length and somehow managed to gouge out half of his bangs all the way up into the hair line. I freaked out and tried to fix it but only managed to make things worse. Then I decided to have it done professionally and it looks a little better. I cried a lot at first this is as short as its ever been since his hair grew in. Its a little sad. I am getting over it though at least I can see his eyes now.
A near constant mantra of It will grow,it will grow, it will grow fills my mind...

A Break

Its ok to take a week or so off blogging. Its fine to take in the world around you without thinking about how you could write about it. Its good to spend a few days in a row just soaking in your beautiful child with out chasing him with a camera. Its great to memorize those smiles in your own mind and heart and to remember that his face is pure joy. That is what I have been up to this past week or so. Just living the life, and it is a beautiful thing.
Incidentally so are pictures of him.

Clean Sweep

Half naked with one sock on... And remarkably he does a great job! Gotta love this kid.

A Sweet Life

Today was one of those days where I woke up and nothing seemed to be as it should Some call it waking up on the wrongs side of the bed I call it waking up at the wrong time in the bed. Owen crawled into bed with me at a little before 6am (way earlier than I usually rise) and proceeded to tunnel around in the covers like a mole. M.G had left to work out already so I couldn't persuade him to get up with Owen( like I usually do) so up I got. I really felt like I wasn't going to be able to pull it together today (getting up before 7am really does something negative to my attitude). But then Owen persuaded me to go out into the sunshine "it helps warm up you body momma" and do side walk chalk. He is so funny these days because there is generally a running narrative coming out of his mouth at all times. He made up lots of stories about our "chalking" and was just so bright and sweet that I couldn't even try to stay grumpy. Being his Momma is really a special gift. Owen is a happy kid by nature and I tend to be a more melancholy type so it never ceases to amaze me when he is able to turn my whole perspective around.
He makes my life sweet.

The handles that came with this chalk are so nice! I can finally touch the chalk with out feeling like there are a thousand ants treading on my spine.

The sound of chalk on the pavement still makes my teeth itch. A small price to pay though for a morning of bliss.

A first

Owens first photo shoot. M.G took him out to use my
camera (not something I would have done) and the photo's turned out really alot better than I could have imagined. Also the camera is still perfect and Owen had a blast! Just goes to show that dudes really do have different ideas about what things kids are capable of....and in this case (if not always) M.G you were right!


M.G looking good in his hoodie.

very nice composition in this one I think.



I love this magnolia tree it is just now starting to give up its blossoms. Good thing it blooms once more in the summer.

Spring is upon us once again

In the few days between flu's we went down to the Salem Capitol Mall and walked around to see all of the pretty cherry trees in bloom.


We take pictures here every year

Owen in his super rock star sun glasses on a cloudy day.

It signifies the beginning of spring for me when the cherry trees start blooming on The Capitol Mall.

M.G and I like to take the pictures where one of us holds the camera... it's a good angle for me.

Owen has been really into getting his picture taken lately which is a nice change.

I think he is a very handsome young lad

I love how affectionate he his now. He tells me all the time "I am so glad your here momma" and is always ready to give me a love.

I don't know why but I LOVE the cherry blossoms maybe because they are so delicate and they smell so sweet. Maybe it's how the smooth pink flowers contrast against the knotted brown trunk of the tree.

I love how they fall to the ground in individual petals and cover the dark gray pavement with their soft icy pink blanket that moves and shifts in the breeze.