The way it really is: being the crazy lady

About a week ago I lost our radio face thing at Fred Myers...well Henry technically lost it but I am in charge of him so I will take the blame. Today I went back(after calling several times) to see if customer service had it...and to check in the big car cart we used(it had this creepy whole where I just knew lost items would love to hangout) I asked customer service if anyone turned it in...nope. I asked the manager if he could take apart the cart and look in the creepy whole...his face told me everything I needed to know...I was that lady the really crazy one who asks the most outrageous stuff of the store managers...I was my gram. Uhg.

Any way he looked and even tried reaching in...no luck. He did find a thing of bubbles, an old sock, a blue binky that I am pretty sure belonged to us(we lost one the same day as the radio but we are always loosing them so who knows), a pack of gum, half a granola bar, and someones phone. He said he would ask his boss to look into it further but did not ask for my contact info so I am pretty sure he was just saying that. He was nice to me but he had this look on his face the whole time that said"this woman is nuts and I will say anything to get her to forget this cart thing". So I walked away and did my shopping only to find him  and another employee laughing as I passed...no doubt discussing my delusion of my car stereo face residing in a cart...sigh. I cant care that they thought I was weird  tho.

If you know me well you know that is my cars 6th stereo. I am embarrassed to admit it but to my credit usually its not my fault when we have to get a new one... usually its because someone steals it out of our car. Any way it may be a while before we save up enough to get a new one...they are expensive! And we have literally purchased 6 of them...if only car toys had a punch card for this.  Who knows maybe it will eventually turn up at Freds...got to keep the dream alive.

on the plus side...gf pretzels on sale!

Rejoice

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand. Do not be anxious about anything,but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, what ever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.Philippians4:4-8  

Getting Grace...teaching them about it

Today on facebook I read an article about a Dad who mistreated his child in public and a blogger who was angry enough to write a 3 page entry about the subject of "breaking your child". It made me sad. Not just the part about the mistreatment of children(tho that makes me very very sad) but because-well-I guess what it boils down to is That I believe in Grace. Grace given to us by God when we are at our worst and Grace extended by us to those around us when they are at theirs.

I hate when I make mistakes in parenting. When I yell at Owen or become frustrated with Henry I feel horrible. I hate when those things happen...but happen they do. Sometimes they even happen in public. I wish I were perfect and that I didn't ever feel the sinful need to be selfish and want things my way. I wish I never thought that my needs were more important than my kids needs and that I alwys was able to parent out of love... but that just isn't me...and it isn't you either regardless of what you may think. Not many of us can say that we have never had a terrible sinful moment where in anger we sinfully parented our children. I know I cant at least...

I also know that by the power that raised Christ from the dead I am able to obtain forgiveness when I sin against my children. I ask the Lord to forgive me then I ask my child to forgive me. Then I use the whole mess to teach my willing, eager sponges about the most beautiful gift we are all given...Grace. I tell Owen all the time that I need Jesus too. That I also have a hard time with my attitude and that I need God to forgive me and renew a right spirit within me. I tell him that God is faithful and that he shows his children mercy when we ask forgiveness and that he gives us Grace for free as a gift. I teach him these things after I sin against him so that he can see Christs redemptive work in my heart and life and so when it comes time for him to get some Grace he will know how to ask for the same. So he will understand that God will not disappoint. So that he too can know that God does truly make beautiful things out of us...that He even uses our sin to show us His love, His power, and His Grace. How amazing is that?

So if you see me in the store check-out yelling at my children(oh how I hope you never will) please stop and pray for me...that I will realize my sin quickly and repent even faster...get the Grace I need to survive...and please everyone lets give each-other a tiny fraction of the Grace God gives us and try not to judge to harshly. Just so you know MG tells me this all the time... as I too often forget to give others the Grace I so dearly love

And from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace
John 1:16


For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified by His Grace as a gift, through the redemption the is Christ Jesus, 
Romans 3:23-24

Just another manic Monday

Monday morning at the Gay household.  Messy. Crazy. Noisy. And Fun...most of the time.

Some pictures from this morning just for fun.

Henry loves to climb and perch now and when he gets up "high"
he thinks he is really clever and shrieks with delight.
Its really funny and sweet.

Owen loves this robe a good friend passed down to us....
He thinks it is "super cozy" and I think he looks
amazing in it!   

A song I love

There is this song I love... "Oh love that will not let me go" by George Matheson.
Here are the lyrics

1. O Love that wilt not let me go,
   I rest my weary soul in thee;
   I give thee back the life I owe,
   That in thine ocean depths its flow
   May richer, fuller be.
2. O light that foll’west all my way,
   I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
   My heart restores its borrowed ray,
   That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
   May brighter, fairer be.
3. O Joy that seekest me through pain,
   I cannot close my heart to thee;
   I trace the rainbow through the rain,
   And feel the promise is not vain,
   That morn shall tearless be.
4. O Cross that liftest up my head,
   I dare not ask to fly from thee;
   I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
   And from the ground there blossoms red
   Life that shall endless be.
5. My favorite is the third verse. I sing it to my self in times of stress, and depression, and just when I have been hit with sickness and low energy(like today). This song is my all time favorite hymn it encourages me to look to the truth and helps me remember what my hope is in...and that hope sustains me. 
6. Here is a link to my favorite cover of it.  
7. Enjoy!!

A passion realized.

Wow...two posts in one day... not something you see here too often.

I just wanted to record an amazing experience that I had recently and how it brought me to a new realization. My good friend payed me the honor of letting me be her doula at the birth of her first born child. It was a beautiful experience. I felt like I was fulfilling a purpose I didn't  know I had. I think about that very speedy delivery everyday and thank God that He allowed me to be there and to realize my obsession with birth is really more of a passion. And that He gave it to me. This is a big deal for me.

Now I am not a doula...not a certified one but I LOVE birth. I hated birthing but I love birth. I love babies and women and the fact that our bodies are designed to bring life into the world. I love the idea (and now the practice) of helping women enjoy that experience no matter what it looks like for them. Birth should be celebrated and remembered fondly because it is the day you meet one of the most important people in your life. So weather you have an all natural birth or a c-section I think it should be remembered with satisfaction and love.

That being said...I would love to be a doula someday...a real one... who is certified. But not today. I almost signed up for a class recently... I want to be able to support women in birthing the way they choose to... and I want to do it real bad.
I also just have this   feeling   that now isn't the right timing for me. Our finances are tight and the class is spendy... Also there is just something (and I cant quite put my finger on it) that seems like this is just the wrong time...? I know that God gave me this passion so I am not doubting that I will do this...just wondering when.
It's sad when a dream is put on hold especially if you have been waiting a long time to ever even have one. It is also good to know that your dream will be realized...in God's timing There is comfort in that even if it lives  among the longing.
At another time-His time-I will jump head first into this dream. I Loved being able to help someone-in any small way I could-do birth the way they wanted. I don't know why I love birth so much...I feel like I didn't choose it I feel like it was chosen for me and I just can't shake it... and I am excited about that because for a long time I have wanted and prayed and longed for a passion.

Not in anyway to diminish the fact that I have a passion as a wife and mother that I have grown to love more and more.
I love my family and my role as a wife and mother to my children and I love that my family is my main purpose in life. For a very long time I felt that the Lord was keeping me in the home to bind me to himself and help me to see myself for who he made me to be(and to learn to love it).

I have however for a while now longed for a purpose that lay in helping women in some tangible way as well. I have been praying that God would give me a passion or calling outside the home as well. Now I feel he has and I know that waiting for the right timing may be hard...but it will be good too.
I hope He will empower me to use this passion well for his glory.

The LORD will keep your going in and your coming out from this time forth and forevermore
~Psalm 121:8

January Picture Updates

This month seems like the longest month of the year in a lot of ways... Getting back into a routine after holiday life is always hard. I started jogging again and cut out sugar from my diet this month. I feel like making it a whole month doing these two things is going to feel monumental if this month ever ends...
Here are some fun things we did this month as well...
sorry for the poor picture quality... all of these came off my phone. that's just what I have handy while we are living life.

We played this awesome game.

Owen excavated a Dinosaur!!

We got rid of 20 some odd bags of stuff we didn't
 need or use anymore...and continue to purge as I
write.

Caught Hank making a mess with his mud biscuit  

We got back into our home schooling....
Owen named this turtle Henry.
such a sweet big bro.

.

Henry took the plunge and crawled through the tunnel! 

And...I finally learned to build LEGO's totally fun!

And finally... We are now getting our selves ready for valentines day and Henry's 1st birthday!! 

Oh yeah!! I almost forgot...
 I took up this exciting pass time...cross stitch...
Don't hate...
its cute and you love it!

Parenting and Stuff About It.

It seems like every single decision a parent makes these days is under scrutiny with multiple people debating its merits and scientific validity. Everyone has opinions on child rearing and how it should be done... even those without children.

Yesterday I took Henry to the naturopath for his eczema... and the man seriously wasted the entire appointment lecturing me on sleep training and on all the ways I was doing it wrong...And I thought "doesn't he understand I am doing what I think is best and that I am not an idiot? That I have spent loads of time and energy researching this thing and I am trying my best here?"

I am a mother and I have loads of opinions(I'm sure you never noticed) I rarely blog about my parenting style as to avoid any unwanted attention or even worse... advice(ahem that's for you Mr. naturopath)... But I want to shine a light on some of the things that we moms have to think about and some of the hard choices we make to do what is best for each of our children and why some of us may even seem a little crazy with our endless opinions...

It all starts at birth...no...wait...it all starts before birth when we find ourselves pregnant and have no idea what to do about it.

Do we use an obgyn or a midwife? Hospital, birth center,or home birth? Pain meds or not? What kind of prenatal vitamins are best? What can I eat? How should I really prepare my home and heart for this new life...can I?

Then after birth: Delayed cord clamping or right after birth? Circumcision or not?  Vaccines or not?  Which vaccines? When will they be given? Will you breastfeed or bottle feed? And what on earth do you do about all the crying? Swaddle,swing,shush, baby wear? All of the above?

Cloth diapers,seventh generation or pampers?

Will you co-sleep or use a family bed approach or will your babe use a crib in their own room? When will you sleep train or will you sleep train at all? Will you help your baby sooth them-self during nighttime wakings or leave them to learn that lesson for themselves?

Pacifier or no? Which kind and for how long will you allow it?

When do you start solid food and what kind of feeding system will you use? Will it be baby led weening or purees for your babe? Will you hand blend all organic veg and fruit or buy the jars?

When will you potty train and what kind of system will you use for that?(oh yes there are multiple systems for learning to use the toilet)Will you wait till the child is 3years old and he just figures it out, or do a fast paced 1 week program at 20 months?

What kind of discipline will you employ? What will guide your choices on how to help your child learn appropriate behavior but also teach them to love Jesus and learn to obey out of a heart of love?

What kind of education will they have? Public school, private, christian private, or home-school?...Or un-school for that matter?

Will you celebrate Halloween or not?

Will they be allowed to watch TV? How much and what types of shows? Can they play video and computer games? How often and what kinds are age appropriate?

Makeup or not?

 Guns or no guns?

How much time should they spend in extra curricular activities and how much with friends out side the home?
When will you give the talk about sex... and what will you say/what resources will you use so that they will understand the sacredness of it but not be naive to realities of this world at the same time?
When will they be allowed to drive? To date?(help me Lord),
What kind of college will you encourage? Community,state, private,distance learning form home?
Will the kids be allowed to live at home through out college? For free or will they pay rent?

Theses are all I can think of  right this second and that is honestly just scratching the surface of the ice burg. Moms(and Dads) have a lot of things to think about when it comes to their kids and how they should be brought up... It is hard to remember that not everyone shares my opinions on any number of these things... I know that lots of these are hot topics... and honestly I am still unsure about 99% of this list and how I will approach the realities of growing boys in my home...

But what I do know is I love them...and I want the very best for them.  I work hard to be present in the little moments of their lives as well as the large milestones, I play with them, and read to them, and hold them when they are hurting(or just anytime). I do my best and I pray for them and for wisdom on how to do the very best I can for them. And at the end of the day that is all I can do.

It isn't that none of the above things are important...they are. Some of them are extremely important. It just isn't important that we all agree on what is right and what is not...It may be better to search diligently and find what is right in your home for each of your own children than to worry about what others are doing in theirs.  People may not understand why we choose to do what we do. That is fine. I will follow the Lord and His plan for my family.
Because lets face it... it is a hard task not to try and convert someone to our way of doing things...and I am no stranger of trying to get someone to come to my side of an issue either...or just ranting about how my way is better-in my head-while your talking about yours...

I will try harder to let people have their own ways  from now on because I like to have my own ways and I hate being told I am "wrong" or not doing whats "right" for my boys. I feel I have learned a lesson about myself and how relentless I can be at times pushing my own agenda...and I will try and remember to let you do your own thing too, with nary an inner rant or any judgment, even.

The Grumps

Henry has been grumpy all day... I suspect teeth. He has been working on numbers 7&8 for a while now and they look close to the surface and painful.
I have been trying everything I can to keep him happy block towers for knocking down,cars pushed to chase, food, extra nursing sessions but even eating and nursing are no go's today...
I was feeling a little hopeless when I remembered his happy place...his place of peace and comfort. The tubby!




So I sit crossed legs on the bathroom floor and watch him play-happy for the first time all day-and it dawns on me that he was born in the water so it's fitting that he should love it so.




On another note... This momma is three days deep into a hard core sugar detox... It's not my favorite but I can feel the difference all ready! Also I'm officially obsessed with juicing!
My latest concoction 3-4 cups kale, 2 oranges, 2 grapefruits and 2 lemons! Yum.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Now Is The Time

Now is the time to get things done…wade in the water, sit in the sun, squish my toes in the mud by the door, explore the world of a girl just four.

Now is the time to study books, flowers, snails, how a cloud looks; to ponder “up,” where God sleeps nights, why mosquitoes take such big bites.

Later there’ll be time to sew and clean, paint the hall that soft new green, to make new drapes, refinish the floor – Later on…when she’s not just four.”
- Irene Foster

 I read this on a blog I really enjoy. I read then re-read it and thought Ah-ha! This is my struggle right now... this is my predicament. I don't seem to be able to just do the small fun things anymore... if someone asked me "don't you remember what it was like to be a child?" I would say "uh not really". I want so badly for this  season of homeschooling Owen to be joyful and adventuresome. I want to foster joy and a love of learning.  I want to read books and do crafts and bake things for the neighbors. I want to go on long walks and puddle jump. I need to make this time special for him... and for me. Instead I get so caught up in the things that "have to" be done and loose sight of the things that "should be" done.  He is only 4 and he deserves better than I have been giving. He is still a child full of life and curiosity and I have not been able to see it-I have been too focused on the task of educating and I missed the whole point-I see it now and I want to "get things done".

This is my prayer, and if your so inclined I ask that you would pray it for me as well, I hope I can remember it daily.

Father in heaven, Thank you for my lovely family and the beautiful healthy children you have given to me. Please help me to seek your purpose for my every day. Help me to know the things that should be done in this season and to do them joyfully for your glory. Give me wisdom to discern which days should be filled with practical things and which should be used for fun. Help me to understand your plan for this season of our lives and to seek you and and to carry out your will and not my own for this special time in our home. I ask that you would give me a renewed child like joy and that it would be contagious in this house and in our lives. I pray that you would use me however you want and that I would be submissive to your plans for me and for my children.  I pray for these things in the name of your sweet son Jesus.  Amen.
now is the time to get things done

a stream of conscience

I haven't felt the desire to write in a long time. I keep thinking I should really update my blog... but the task seems cumbersome and I cant make myself want to. I want to get back to the place where writing is cathartic and something I feel passion for... I guess I will just start by writing more often and see if those old feelings return.
My life lately has seemed slow moving and hurried all at once. Slow because our lives have been rather metered, rushed because I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
 I started homeschooling Owen and although  it is not as hard as I thought, it still seems to be a mental challenge to rise to the occasion everyday. I know some of you are probably more than a little surprised that I am homeschooling-and honestly so am I-but it is the right thing for our family in this season of life. Owen loves learning and is disappointed the days we don't do school. I am less passionate about it... still I know it is the best thing for us... so I am muddling through it day by day.
Its funny how my days seems to drag on then fly by. We have a great routine right now... we wake and have a family snuggle up on our bed. Then we eat brecky and tidy up a bit. Then Henry naps while Owen and I do school. We then do whatever the day calls for and the have lunch then rest and then a little more of this or that then dinner, bath, stories, and bed. Some times I think that the day will last forever that the bed time and kissing the boys goodnight is a far away dream. Other days I cant hold on to the sweetness of the the passing minutes to save my life.
Its nice... and yet my heart longs for adventure on a grander scale. I don't know what business my heart has longing for such a thing when we are doing great with  the simple things in life...but there you have it. I find myself dreaming of travel and hiking and open sea sailing-I have never even been on the open seas-I want to sail! Maybe not literally... but I have the yearning that I always get before a big change.
I want to be out there -you know in the world-making a difference... but doing what? For whom? With who's energy? All questions yet unanswered.
Yes I feel a change brewing-something is happening in our lives-and I don't know when but I sure know its a-coming. This season of simplicity is good, its a gift, a rest before the big adventure ahead. I will enjoy the slow pace while it lasts instead of impatiently fidgeting for the end of the day. I will drink in the smell of little heads and blowing bubbles. I will let the sound of my children's perfect laughter fill my soul with joy and I will wait and see what our-certainly interesting-future will hold.

Small gifts

Today Owen went to his grandmas to spend the night so I am sitting here in an absolutely silent house as Henry naps and it feels strange... but good. The weather is cloudy and and cool...well cooler than it has been. I like it... I feel like it is a precious gift. Sometimes gifts come in small packages like a cool day and a silent house. I am feeling rather loved in this moment with the breeze blowing sweet and cool on my face through the window. The rest of the day may be filled with a crazy list of to do's but right now-in this moment-I am resting in this lovely gift and I am grateful.
It is enough

I have been gone so long I hardly know where to start... First off Henry is a really sweet baby he sleeps well and eats well and he is loved by one and all. We have had a whole litany of issues the last couple months to try and get the milk supply up for him but he was un-phased by any and all attempts to make more milk... he just eats it and seems glad. I am now just recovering from mastitis and a cold. We are still working with my Dr. concerning my thyroid disease and trying to get that back on track A.S.A.P... Other than that we have been enjoying this new little and battening down the hatches a lot.

Owen really loves the tiny brother and is regularly overheard talking,singing to and and calling him sweet little nick names like little bobble head and tiny brother.

Henry is also known as little frogger because he has tiny little hips, a wide chest, long legs, and a wide mouthed smile! We love this smile!

Sweat little men.

Tiny toes

Ever since he was born he has been sticking his tongue out.


We even think he is cute when he cry's

Tiny fingers.

40 weeks!

Who knew a baby would want to stay inside me for the entire 40 weeks of pregnancy! Actually the way it is looking at this point the little sprout may stay in even longer than that!

me at 40 weeks bad photo I know...

My due date was Monday February 7th and instead of having a baby I caught another cold...cold number 8 in 9 months to be exact. I am powering home the emergen-c usisng the netty pot, taking the elderberry, resting, and using a box of tissues per day. I have been praying a lot that this cold will end fast and that this baby will come even faster. I know I can trust that it will all happen in the right time and I am being taught a powerful lesson in laying my burdens on Him, not listening to lies I want to believe(you will be sick and pregnant forever) and remaining faithful in prayer knowing that He does hear me and that He does loves me so much that He has a plan that will be way better than anything I could hope to ask for.

His plan for Owen was totally unexpected and totally perfect. Who could ask for a better kid? And I know that it will be the same for this next one as well...even though I have to wait a lot longer to meet him.
Hitting our favorite coffee shop Broadway Coffee House(its only 5 blocks away and serves stump town!) and taking what may be our last "family of 3" Photo. It is a strange thing to think of someone else being a part of this family. Strange and wonderful. I am so excited to meet this new little boy I can hardly stand it!
I love the boy I have so much that I really couldn't be happier to have another one to squeeze! So just you wait little baby your gonna get some good squeezin' from all of us here on the outside real soon! Owen keeps asking when the baby will get here and he seems genuinely excited to meet him as well... I love that he gets to have a brother and that I get to have another little to love!

This post is rambling and disjointed... My brain is not functioning on all cylinders at this point and that my writing has suffered tremendously. I still feel the need-however-to document the joys and trials of motherhood. So to try and sum it up I love being Owens momma and cant wait to have this next baby in my arms! I also feel anxious every day that he may never actually get here...silly I know. I am tired of being sick and pregnant but feel guilty even thinking those thoughts because I know I am truly blessed in so many real ways. So there you have it my life and inner thoughts after 40 weeks of pregnancy.
hope to introduce you to the newest littlest Gay very soon!