New Years Eve

Well it's new years eve and I'm still in the jim jams I wore to bed last night...yep I never even got dressed today.
The highlights of the night were takeout Thai food,playing blocks with our sweet little sick baby, reading leggo comics to Owen and watching How I Met Your Mother re-runs with mg. Things may not be all party party party around here but that's ok things are good...and comfy in two day old jim jams.
Happy New Year!!

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Some Goals

I am sitting here working on a list of goals for a family planning meeting with Mg. I am coming up totally empty. Well not totally... I have-feel better-written down. And really that's what I want... I want to feel better. I have felt tired and haggard for 3 years now and I am ready to feel better. Thyroid disease is a huge part of the problem but there is also my consistently poor attitude and some lingering sadness as well.

I know there are ways to deal with all of it and I plan on doing those this year. As well as trying really hard to love my family in a new and refreshed way. I have been slacking on the loving again. Falling into the old pit of selfishness and laziness that accompanies bad attitudes and the sadness lurking at my door.

So that's it: Feel better. Love the people who God has given to me.

Looks short on paper but I can see the outline starting to trail off of these two things. I know the amount of work my heart needs and how hard it will be to surrender the junk in there...Doing these things is not really something that will be "accomplished" this year-tho I hope for great progress-but something that will be worked on over the entirety of my life. I know I have a long road ahead of me and that I will have to work at it. but I want to enjoy the work...and I'm smiling thinking about how much grace I'm going to need...

Owen 5yrs and climbing

"Everyone to whom God has given wealth, and possessions, and the power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil-this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with the joy in his heart." (Eccl. 5:19)

Better late than never...again

Merry Christmas!


We had a lovely Christmas. It was full of friends, family and love.


I wanted to take a bunch of cute photos of the brothers in matching jim jams in front of the tree but no such luck. So this is what I got. These photos are more real anyway.
Hope your Christmas was great and that you have a very happy new year as well.


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10 Months

Henry,
Today you are ten months old! You have officially been out of the womb as long as you were in it!

Henry you have changed a ton in the last couple months so I will start from the top and work my way down. You have almost no hair but the little that is starting to come in is blonde as can be. It is even more fair that your brothers was. You have 5 teeth as of today. You LOVE to eat!! You will eat any old thing we put in front of you. Seriously you will eat anything...I have always prayed for a good eater...your brother was always super picky so you being an incredible eater is a great blessing and proof of Gods grace. Some of your favorite foods are frozen grapes, avocado, turkey, pears, brown rice cooked in home made chicken broth, green beans, black beans, and bananas

You have learned to crawl...kind of. its this sort of mix between crawling and scooting...we shall call it scrooting. Its adorable whatever it is and your thrilled with your new mobility and are having a blast testing all the limits of our not very baby proofed house(add to list of "to dos"...put little plastic guards back in plug in wholes)

you scrooting away from me towards the wires.

 Some other fun developments are that you love to chatter away pretty much all the time and you have about 4 voices you use regularly. The falsetto, the growling monster, the squealer, and the normal Henry voice.

this is what most of the photos looked like. you are always moving at least one part of your body.

You have quite a wide range of nick names so far. I will document them here for you to be embarrassed by later. First there is Henny, then henny penny puddin and pie, Hank(of course), Henners, stink bottom(Owens nick name for you), little mister, mister mister, buddy, broth(short for brother also an Owen name), little, tiny, doozer(thank aunt Lindy for that), and hanky panks. Hank is the most widely used by me and little buddy is what your papa calls you. Owen thinks up new ones all the time and they are usually nonsensical but sometimes one sticks.

We are head over heals for you little Henry. All of us... your whole entire family just thinks your grand. Your a funny little guy and you are happy and contented most of the time but you definitely share what opinions you have. I cant believe you belong to me! I feel doubly blessed and am so thankful for your sweat self.
I am your lucky momma and I love you

5

Owen,
Yesterday you turned 5! I can hardly believe that 5 years have come and gone already... words actually fail me. You are so big now. You are a real live boy no more preschooler left in you and all vestiges of babyhood long passed.

This was your cake. you were really impressed...which is funny because it was a monumental flop. The cake was vanilla with mostly chocolate frosting(I had to add some left over colored butter cream to fill in when i ran out of chocolate). You loved the effect and specifically asked for the number 5 to be on there.

We had the 3rd annual cookie frosting party... this year only a few of the kids did the frosting...and I am left with a giant bag full of cookies the neighbors will be getting soon. Owen you loved eating the butter cream frosting. That's about all you did with the whole cookie bit this year...next year we will try a new theme.

We saved our presents for you until the evening and you were really excited about all of them. I always have such a bitter sweet feeling about giving you gifts... bitter because I always wish it could be more but sweet because you don't even know or care that you have not received a lot. I am glad that you are so easy to please and that you have such a great capacity for joy.

This picture is blurry... but so is life sometimes... this year has literally whirled by me. I find it so hard to accept that your 5 and that I have had you for this huge amount of time and yet I am still getting to know you. You are still my sweet natured little boy. You have compassion for those who are hurt and needy. Owen you have a very gentle spirit and you are kind and loving to everyone around you. You are also always moving and there is honestly constantly some sound effect coming out of your mouth. I fear that the days of snuggle ups on the couch are nearing there end and that someday soon you may even decide kissing me is gross(please never feel this way...). I am treasuring every last drop of your littleness because it is disappearing before my eyes as the new big, independent you is emerging. I love that your growing and changing but it hurts a little too. I still remember the feel of your warm baby body so sweet and tiny in my arms. I am even more in love with you now than I was then... Imagine that...
Love, Your Momma

Owen and Henry...

A picture update

Henry was a duck for Halloween and was less than impressed

Owen was a Lion he loved the whole afair

Henry Hates jumping in leaves 

Owen loves jumping in leaves

Owen dresses himself

I dress Henry

They both love each other.

I have been away a while so I just wanted to give you some cuteness to make up for it.

Christmas is upon us and we are slowly getting in the mood this year.

I hope to turn this house into a winter wonderland by the end of the week.

Emails from mom

Here are the last of the emails from moms house! This has been a wild 2 weeks!

Email 10: coffee ... Again
Last night I had forgotten to dump the little bit of coffee that was left... He drank it at 7pm! I told him not to but he wasn't having it. So I told him if he stayed up late no Whistling!
He also try's to tell me he can go one night with out pills every night!
His routine is messed up. But I can't do things exactly the same way you do... We can't eat back there with him because we have kids and jeopardy is on at their bed times so we don't usually get to watch that either. He eats with us sometimes tho. Also I make him fix his own coffee because I can't serve him everything while doing the kids and dogs.
Plus he is always trying to touch/hug/rub my back! All the time... I no likey! I actually just backed out of one now!
I'm sure he will be grateful when you get home :)
Love you
Dana
Sent from my iPhone

Email 11: touching
So I finally had to tell gramps That I'm not super comfortable with physical touch... He is constantly trying to touch me in some way,shape,or form and I had to put my foot down today! Sheesh! I had to pry him off of my shoulders!! then I just told him. He is all moody about it now. I said it nicely. I said " gramps I love you but I'm just not a huge fan of physical affection." he said I'm weird And kept trying to hug me and saying he would stop touching me... ... ...?!!!!!
Sent from my iPhone

Email 12: return& re- return
hi honey,

I haven't heard from you for a day or so - hope you are still speaking to me!! just kidding, I hope! we had a nice tour of Milan today, about 4 hours this morning, ending with seeing The Last Supper. it is sunny here but VERY COLD. reminds me of when Lindy and I came to "pick you up" in Firenze. we leave the hotel at 3 am to get to the airport (which is about 45 min. drive) and do all the fall-de-rall there. The hotel here is packing us "breakfast bags" since we will miss the nice breakfast here. Did Michael get the info. about our return flight that Devon sent him when we left? tell him we appreciate him picking us up. The flight is a Delta fligth coming from Amsterdam. It gets in around 11:15 am saturday the 19th. He can just drive us to Devon's house - our car is there. You could ask Janet to stay with Dad until we get home rather than have him drive up with Michael. I will check email again tomorrow maybe before we get on the airplane. It is 5:20 pm here on Friday right now, so for you that would be 8:20 am on Friday.

Love you!
Mom
I have presents. You should come over on Sunday to get them!

Me:
Oh things have settled down here a bit is all... Gramps is still doing his usual things but I'm getting used to them. Except when he kissed me on the check! That was NOT welcomed.
I'm making a squash soup for you to have tomorrow for dinner. And have already asked Janet to come to sit with gramps. She said she would sweep and mop and vacuum too! Going to get your packages today and will put marks gifts under your bed side and any Christmas gifts in grams closet.
Hope your journey is smooth on the way home. Mg knows to pick you up :)
Miss you tons!
I like presents!!
Dana

Sent from my iPhone

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Emails from moms.

These are the latest emails to mom. She does reply to my emails... but I don't post them because I didn't ask if I could and they are just full of instructions and stuff about Italy that makes me jealous.

Letter 7: Mia visits
Today... Saturday... Mia came over while lindy worked. All I will say is that at one point there was a ton of commotion coming from gramps area and so mg went back there they had gramps' chair(with him in it)all the way reclined-his head only inches from the ground-as they tickled him and jumped all over...
Gramps was a little traumatized... Poor guy!
Also Owen sprayed the orange bathroom spray into his eyes and I had to flush them with water... Lots more happened but those were the highlights.
Did you find vivoli?
Tell me what your doing and how it's going.
Love you
Dana
Sent from my iPhone

Letter 8: a cold for gramps
Gramps caught Henry's cold...tho he thinks it's from some sneezing man at goodwill the other day(yes I took him to goodwill). Can he have cold meds? During the day and at night? Will nighttime cold meds interact with his other medication? He is coughing at night :( poor guy! I feel bad for him.
Let me know
Love you
Dana

Letter 9: Home front
That's too bad that your backs are sore! Going slow can be frustrating but it's so glorious there I'm sure your just drinking it all in:)
Gramps slept alot during the day yesterday. So he was up till almost midnight whistling at the top of his lungs! Not the breathy whistle he usually does but really LOUD whistling! It was impossible to fall asleep. Henry woke up shortly after he stopped... Long night. I was grateful for a pot of good strong coffee this am(I got one cup...then gramps drank it all) speaking of coffee and gramps' love of it... He came out here 7 times(7)yesterday between 3-4:30pm asking for more! He kept saying "you probably don't make coffee do you?" I kept answering "I do in the morning but you drank it all" he would reply "there is no more? I was looking for some coffee)... he would repeat the quote from above...sheesh. Finally I made him some hot cocoa. He reluctantly accepted this substitution.
Speaking of hot cocoa...
Have you had any hot cocoa there yet?!
A scarf please... A good one :)
Love Dana
Sent from my iPhone





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Emails from moms house

Letter 4: barking!
How do I make the barking stop!!! Henry can't take good naps with all the barking!! It's so horrible!
And I need gramps pin for Christmas shopping...

Letter 5: thanks
So I found the pin number after I emailed you... Sorry. The dogs bark out side all day! Not sure why. I have them in this am Sophie is sleeping right outside henrys door... Lol. She is such a funny girl. I am doing laundry today. What are you guys up to? Gramps is doing ok... Honestly not sure how you get shopping done at the store... He either corners people to talk about reagan or-if pushing the cart-gets in people's way on purpose and does that silly dance... Sheesh! Wish I could stick him in the cart. Anyway I got so frustrated yesterday that I left and forgot like ten things! O well. He is doing fine other-wise and loves the boys. Hope your having a blast!
Sent from my iPhone
Letter 6: Sophie
Well... I tried to let the little ladies in early last night cuz it was stormy and Sophie wouldn't come... Sophie wouldn't come in for her dinner last night either. Finally at bed time she came in. So she got soggy food... She did play fetch finally yesterday :)!
After trying to make plans to go Christmas shopping AGAiN yesterday gramps said he would just like me to do it... Sigh. I'm glad but feel guilty for being glad...lol
Gramps keeps telling me "where things are" in his area(whats in certain boxes and even where his coin jar is). He does it everyday "just in case" he keeps saying he doesn't know how long he will be around and someone needs to know where everything is... I keep telling him he showed me already and that you know but he gets a little worked up if I don't go... So thats exciting.
Oh fireneze!!! My city! I am so jealous! I hope it's perfect weather for you and that you think of me on those narrow cobble stone side walks :) And that dev and markle love it there!
Rabbit fur lined black leather gloves!!!
Love you!
Dana
Sent from my iPhone


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The way it really is: Attitude

I'm out here in the middle of 18 acres of pure beauty and I am a lot of things but joyful and at peace are not some of them.
My attitude sucks.
I am feeling sad and lonely and disconnected with my norm. I find that I'm frustrated that someone constantly needs something from me and I can't settle down and enjoy being here.
I am over thinking and trying too hard to get everything done perfectly probably... I just can't seem to stop feeling a little depressed.
I don't like myself grumpy and agitated I hate that I'm feeling sorry for myself instead of serving those I love with a happy heart... I will crash early tonight and pray hard for those new mercies.

Emails.

Letter #3 things are exciting here
So grandpa is like a big bald child who want as much attention as Owen and will talk over/interrupt Owen to get said attention from me. Pretty funny...poor Owen now has a temporary extra sibling to rival with... Gramps stopped 7 people at Costco(7!) and within 30 seconds of meeting/cornering them told them about being a former broadcaster and interviewing Regan...(this is way more embarrassing in person than when you tell me about it) I stood transfixed and did the countdown 3. 2. 1. Reagan!
Sophie and I are in a power struggle regarding coming when i call and playing catch and I'm not gonna lie-she is probably gonna win-but I'm giving it my best shot. She will sit for me woohoo! Sometimes I just say "sit" cuz I know she will obey even if it's not necessary.
Owen loves your jewelry(will explain that later) and I may have acquired an old navy skirt from a bag in your closet... Will pay for skirt... It looks great on me :)
Hope your enjoying your vacation!
Love you!
Dana
Ps I need gramps pin number! You no leavey
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Emails from moms house.

We are currently residing at my moms house watching 3 chicken, 2 cats(Ava and alfie), 2 dogs(Winnie and Sophie), and one gramps(James) who has Alzheimer's.
This is a series of emails to my mom from me to give her some peace of mind.

Letter #1
All settled in:
Hey mom
We are settled in. Gramps tried to get his pills early twice... Lol. Everyone is fine. We had taco bell for dinner :(. What is your iPad apple ID password? I want to install a free app...
How was the flight? Is Verona beautiful?
Miss you
Dana

Letter #2 Oh yeah:
I forgot to mention that when we arrived there was a bird inside the house...mg caught it gently and let it go. Also Sophie just came in after giving me the run around for some time and then scratching at the door... Then she proceeded to bark viciously at Winnie... That's why I'm awake at 1:30 in the am... Those dogs

Sent from my iPhone

Stay tuned for more...

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B&B

MG and I got to stay the night. Alone. At a bed and breakfast on Saturday night.
The stay was a thank you gift from the couple MG married on Saturday.
The wedding was lovely... I loved watching our good friend Hannah embrace her new life as a wife and the party after was really fun too.
We were tired when we finally got to our room at the B&B. Its a lovely old manor style house in Macminville run by a sweet English couple.
The room was sweet and cozy.


The best part? A great big claw foot tub! We both got in twice!


So relaxing!



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It's pomegranate season!

It's messy to get the good stuff out but worth it.
I love to just jam them in my mouth as a snack... but they are great in salads and on oat meal too! I'm a little obsessed with them.
Any other ideas of how to eat this amazing fruit?


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How did I get here?

I was just sitting here on the couch watching some show called "all about airplanes" with Owen as I was also pumping breast milk for Henry to drink while mg and I go for a date tomorrow. I had a funny thought enter my mind...It was like a "me" from ten years ago was watching it all and saying "how did we get here?" I laughed out loud... It is a funny scene... Me pumping milk out of my body-milk out of my body!!- Watching a child's documentary about airplanes while still in my jams at 11am! How did I get here indeed!
The funniest part is I like it here.
I wouldn't trade it for anything
Here are a couple great reasons why






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For Marilynn

It's my grams birthday today. She died 7 months ago. I love her and miss her still. So I thought I would write her a letter. I know it's a silly thing to do but I feel like it will help me deal with the missing in some way...and there is no silly way to grieve.

Dear grams,
I miss you so very much today. The other day I thought of the fact that there would be no party for you this year,no presents,no cake. It hurts. I'm glad your not here suffering in a body rife with cancer... but I am still grieving the loss if you in my life.
Owen is growing so much and he is very handsome. He asks about you from time to time and I am delighted that he knew you and loved you and even more that he remembers you.
Henry is a beautiful baby! You would love to kiss the nape of his neck... His sweet falsetto voice would just slay you! I'm so happy you got to hold him and smell him and sing to him before you left us. It is a memory I will cherish forever.
Thank you for being a wonderful grandmother. Thank you for loving me and spoiling,for teaching me generosity. Thank you for living your life with a gracious and happy heart it has made a serious mark on my life. Thank you for all the marks you left on my life-for there are too many to list here.
I wish I could have told you one last time how I loved you! I know you knew it though. I still find myself thinking about you as if your here sometimes and then I snap out if it and find myself lonely for you yet glad I could remember you so vividly that it feels your still here.
I know that your life lives on in those you have touched. I can feel your love shining through my mom all the time. I can hear a hint of your laughter in my sisters every so often and I know we carry you with us in our hearts.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)E.E Cummings
Happy Birthday.

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The Way It Really Is: Plumbing

Our bath tub wouldn't drain for two months. Well it would drain but it would take like 24 hours then be really dirty and need cleaning... We have been showering a lot-all of us even the baby-and that made the upstairs shower get clogged up too!
We tried snaking and enzymes and plunging and drano. But nothing worked sooooo we called the plumber.
He found this.



It's a wash cloth... Someone who bathes at my house jammed it down the tub pipe... No one is fessing up...
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The Way It Really Is: Teething

I have recently realized that I don't often share much of the nitty gritty. I want this to be a place to share miles stones and hopes and fears but I also want to be real,to reflect the daily(or weekly) struggles and joys.
So here goes...

Henry is teething hard. I don't remember Owen ever having a hard time with birthing his teeth(he may have...but it was forever ago)so this is taking me off guard. I am not sure what to do with my cranky, drooling, crying, biting everything he sees little mess of a baby boy! We have given him the the natural tooth remedies and the cold biting toys...we have given him frozen veggies to eat we have even resorted to tylenol...nothing seems to help much. He was awake and in pain for two and a half hours last night. He even bit my breast in a moment of sheer frustration... which led me to take it out of his mouth and say a firm no. This led to a massive melt down on his part and a wave of guilt on mine...(I know telling him not to bite is the right thing) I just felt so bad for him.
Henry is already a needy sort but with the advent of working the top teeth down he spends almost all of his waking ours being held or actively entertained. Everyone does there part and even in his most pathetic moments he is so precious that none of us-not even Owen-can stay frustrated with his increased demands.
I'm just hoping for some good sleep for us all tonight.

A failed fall leaf photo due to said teething babe... Maybe next time


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Now Is The Time

Now is the time to get things done…wade in the water, sit in the sun, squish my toes in the mud by the door, explore the world of a girl just four.

Now is the time to study books, flowers, snails, how a cloud looks; to ponder “up,” where God sleeps nights, why mosquitoes take such big bites.

Later there’ll be time to sew and clean, paint the hall that soft new green, to make new drapes, refinish the floor – Later on…when she’s not just four.”
- Irene Foster

 I read this on a blog I really enjoy. I read then re-read it and thought Ah-ha! This is my struggle right now... this is my predicament. I don't seem to be able to just do the small fun things anymore... if someone asked me "don't you remember what it was like to be a child?" I would say "uh not really". I want so badly for this  season of homeschooling Owen to be joyful and adventuresome. I want to foster joy and a love of learning.  I want to read books and do crafts and bake things for the neighbors. I want to go on long walks and puddle jump. I need to make this time special for him... and for me. Instead I get so caught up in the things that "have to" be done and loose sight of the things that "should be" done.  He is only 4 and he deserves better than I have been giving. He is still a child full of life and curiosity and I have not been able to see it-I have been too focused on the task of educating and I missed the whole point-I see it now and I want to "get things done".

This is my prayer, and if your so inclined I ask that you would pray it for me as well, I hope I can remember it daily.

Father in heaven, Thank you for my lovely family and the beautiful healthy children you have given to me. Please help me to seek your purpose for my every day. Help me to know the things that should be done in this season and to do them joyfully for your glory. Give me wisdom to discern which days should be filled with practical things and which should be used for fun. Help me to understand your plan for this season of our lives and to seek you and and to carry out your will and not my own for this special time in our home. I ask that you would give me a renewed child like joy and that it would be contagious in this house and in our lives. I pray that you would use me however you want and that I would be submissive to your plans for me and for my children.  I pray for these things in the name of your sweet son Jesus.  Amen.
now is the time to get things done

Oh Henry!

Henry,
You are a totally different baby! I feel sometimes that you know more than your letting on. You have a way of "answering" me with squeals and facial expressions that is uncanny.

At 7.5 months you can sit up and play, you can roll both ways, and you have scooted your body-one time-in order to reach something. You have two bottom teeth coming up and like to bite things. You are practicing you pincer grasp and even try it out on me while nursing... Not my favorite littel man not my fave.

What you really love is being held. You would love to be held all the time if we would allow it(honestly I probably hold you 75% of the day). You will play about 10 min max on your own then it's hold time... You are adamant about this! You get all lathered up with real tears and snot and drool if I try to deny you-And buddy at least once a day I do because your brother needs full attention-and boy do you let me hear it. It's funny really because other than being hungry, tired, or mess diapered this is the only reason you fuss.



Holding time momma... Please!!!

You also love... No wait... LOVE your brother!! He is literally your favorite person right now. Last night Owen and Papa were wrestling and you were squealing with delight and waving and patting your hands at every one of Owens victories... So amazing to see your bond growing so strong all ready.



Henry you are sweet, snuggly, funny and honest about what you want. You are friendly and smile a ton! We love you more than we can express and are so happy you are one of us!
Momma.



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a stream of conscience

I haven't felt the desire to write in a long time. I keep thinking I should really update my blog... but the task seems cumbersome and I cant make myself want to. I want to get back to the place where writing is cathartic and something I feel passion for... I guess I will just start by writing more often and see if those old feelings return.
My life lately has seemed slow moving and hurried all at once. Slow because our lives have been rather metered, rushed because I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
 I started homeschooling Owen and although  it is not as hard as I thought, it still seems to be a mental challenge to rise to the occasion everyday. I know some of you are probably more than a little surprised that I am homeschooling-and honestly so am I-but it is the right thing for our family in this season of life. Owen loves learning and is disappointed the days we don't do school. I am less passionate about it... still I know it is the best thing for us... so I am muddling through it day by day.
Its funny how my days seems to drag on then fly by. We have a great routine right now... we wake and have a family snuggle up on our bed. Then we eat brecky and tidy up a bit. Then Henry naps while Owen and I do school. We then do whatever the day calls for and the have lunch then rest and then a little more of this or that then dinner, bath, stories, and bed. Some times I think that the day will last forever that the bed time and kissing the boys goodnight is a far away dream. Other days I cant hold on to the sweetness of the the passing minutes to save my life.
Its nice... and yet my heart longs for adventure on a grander scale. I don't know what business my heart has longing for such a thing when we are doing great with  the simple things in life...but there you have it. I find myself dreaming of travel and hiking and open sea sailing-I have never even been on the open seas-I want to sail! Maybe not literally... but I have the yearning that I always get before a big change.
I want to be out there -you know in the world-making a difference... but doing what? For whom? With who's energy? All questions yet unanswered.
Yes I feel a change brewing-something is happening in our lives-and I don't know when but I sure know its a-coming. This season of simplicity is good, its a gift, a rest before the big adventure ahead. I will enjoy the slow pace while it lasts instead of impatiently fidgeting for the end of the day. I will drink in the smell of little heads and blowing bubbles. I will let the sound of my children's perfect laughter fill my soul with joy and I will wait and see what our-certainly interesting-future will hold.

Perfect Storm

Today I'm grateful I didn't have to plunge the toilet

I woke up with the all familiar feeling of a migraine setting in. I had a heaviness in my head and felt dizzy and disoriented I knew I needed thyroid meds,tylenol,coffee, and some down time...the coffee



Then I laid the baby down for some tummy time so I could go to the bathroom...

Owen dropped his walking stick on the baby and then carried him-screaming-down the hall all the way to the bathroom where I was having the mother of all p*o then Owen decided he needed to brush his teeth and somehow managed to get water all over the floor...still while I p**ped and was holding Henry on my lap... So not having to plunge was huge.

Two more things I'm grateful for:






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6 months

I honestly can't believe its already been 6 months since you were born little H!! You are a sweet and friendly sort who chatters a lot and smiles often. You don't laugh very frequently but when you do find something funny enough its a sound that makes everyone in our house come running. You are very different from your brother... he was an independent player who didn't sleep so well and had almost no opinions about everyday things. Henry, you on the other hand are not the best at independent time and relish the company of your family and mostly your brother... you sleep well(possibly because you never stop moving when you are awake) and you have opinions about lots of things to name one having your nose wiped/picked. You still have no teeth which is another difference between you and Owen(he had 4 by the time 6 months rolled around) you can roll over from front to back and back to front, you can sit up with only a little assistance, and you love love love to be held.
You have begun to try your hand at some avocado... and have been enjoying the experience thoroughly.
We love watching you grow and change... we think you are the bees knees Henry!

Owen loves you with a love that doesn't end... he misses you when your apart and loves to hug and kiss you. he continues to make up songs for you and tell you all about life in this world.He has never had a moments jealousy towards you. You generally adore him and light up every time you even hear his voice...sometimes you are more reserved with your feelings and just need a few feet of personal space...


Having you in our lives feels so natural...like you were always here somehow and yet we are still getting to enjoy figuring out who you are. I love you more each day and am so thankful to be your momma!

Small gifts

Today Owen went to his grandmas to spend the night so I am sitting here in an absolutely silent house as Henry naps and it feels strange... but good. The weather is cloudy and and cool...well cooler than it has been. I like it... I feel like it is a precious gift. Sometimes gifts come in small packages like a cool day and a silent house. I am feeling rather loved in this moment with the breeze blowing sweet and cool on my face through the window. The rest of the day may be filled with a crazy list of to do's but right now-in this moment-I am resting in this lovely gift and I am grateful.
It is enough

Out of practice

In writing I feel completely out of practice. It's something you have to do regularly in order to stay loose. I have not felt loose in any matter lately especially in writing.

My life is rather mundane at present. So i feel almost no desire to write. Sometimes i forget to look for the joy.I do a lot of nursing the babe and a lot of trying to keep up with the house work while simultaneously trying to spend good quality time with Owen and make sure Henry naps enough... It is harder than it sounds.
We are home a lot. But we take a lot of walks and sing songs and read a lot too. It's hard having a limited schedule and somedays I feel a little insane.



But today its fun. Owen tells the baby stories and Henry laughs at him. There is joy here in the mundane. Joy in the form of brothers bonding and smiles and baby belly laughs. I just have to remember to look for it and know that It's enough.




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Blah blah blah

I'm horrible at blogging. I have nothing new or poetic to say. I feel uninspired and often just too tired to bother... Which is sad because these boys of mine are cute, sweet, and funny every day.




I will bounce back eventually I'm sure...but this season is rough. I am ok with that every season is hard at times and crazy beautiful at others. Right now it's hard. I'm tired, I have little to no energy and I'm sad sometimes. What I'm trying not to do/be is sorry for myself. This will pass and there is plenty of lovely to get me through until then.


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Dear Owen

Dear Owen,
You are a big brother now! Owen you are really good at being a brother. You love to kiss and snuggle your baby, you love to entertain him with songs, stories, harmonica playing, drumming, and toy shaking. You love helping me give baths and helping pick out Henry's clothes. You are very sweet and helpful!





You are great at making little Henry smile all the time... He loves to look at you.





So do I!
We started doing preschool at home this week and you love it! I picked a kindergarden curriculum called "Our Fathers World" I love it because its all planned out for me. You just love learning and having quality time with momma or papa.






You are growing up so quickly these days I can hardly stand it! At least you still love a good snuggle. I am very proud of the little man that you are. I love you!
Love momma