Lessons learned from MG

So I have been suffering from migraines for the last 3 months. I have literally had probably 5 days where I had no headache at all and only a handful of days when the headache didn't escalate to a full blown migraine. It has been rough to say the least.

I have been less than able to preform cursory tasks in the home and I have been dealing with pain pretty much all the time. My kids have suffered and my husband has taken up a ton of the slack...he is already really busy with work and ministry so I feel bad when I have a day when I can do nothing but sleep(if only I were able to enjoy it). I feel like I am useless and a burden and I hate feeling that way.

Joy in long baby lashes

I was crying the other night as mg cared for our children and I lay helpless on the couch... a prisoner of the pain racking my brain... I told him how badly I felt that he had to do my job as well as his. He just said "why? This is the day God gave me and I am fine with it" That touched my heart so much. That my sweet mg wasn't bogged down by doing triple duty but in fact he saw it as a gift from God...a part of the good works that God has set aside for him and only him to do...an area he could use to show Gods glory. He didn't say as much but I could see it...the love of Christ shining through him... and it was lovely.

Joy in brothers playing together

Then later this weekend mg taught at church, his message was on Titus 3 and he asked us what distracts us from the the story God is telling in the world and in my life? What takes the place in our mind where insisting on Gods truths should be? He said it better than that though. Any way... I have been thinking about that a lot. And now I know that one of those things for me is migraines. They distract me. I also have been considering how God gives us what He has planned for us each day, special acts of good-or sometimes just attitudes-that reflect him...and sometimes those things come in a package that isn't so pretty(like headaches) sometimes they even cause us pain. And the way we react to them is the way we can reflect the love and(hopefully)the glory of God. I have been doing a cruddy job.

Can I be Fine with what God has planned for me? Can I sit there in the pain of a migraine and see the work of God in my life? Can my attitude be good? Can I still find a way to shine for Him? Usually I just feel sorry for myself(and very rarely)I consider the fact that there could still be joy there-I consider it then dismiss it as a funny thought-but funny it is not. I can still find joy here in this day. I can be fine with the day God has given me and I will be.

Joy in patting the bunny

I can learn here and lean on Him. I can praise Him that not every day is a Migraine day. Praise Him for I am still (even while suffering with intense headaches) receiving His grace and getting more than I deserve(which is death). Migraines are a distraction from his work in my life. When my head hurts I don't remember who I was before and who He is and what He has done in my life...all I know is pain. I don't want that to be the case any longer, I want to win! and even if I still suffer with physical pain I want to win the battle for my mind while I suffer. I want to always remember to rejoice! To insist on the truth. That He is good and He is strong and that He loves me. That He took this rebel to His cause and held me close and called me daughter...That He healed me and grew me and nurtured my heart. That He still Is and will always be the only one who can deliver me. I want to do His good works big and small in my life. Sometimes that may be just having a cheerful attitude and loving those around me and other times it may be sacrificing something I want to do what my family needs. I do not want to be distracted even in the rough spots because being inflicted can be a gift. I want to see it that way from now on...as a gift-as something God has given to me for that day-and I want to do it well for Him even when it hurts.

Joy in chocolate

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
So we do not loose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.  As we look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen, for the things that are unseen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal. 
Revelations 21:4 
he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more,  neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, for the former things have passed away,

Owen 5.5

Dear Owen,
This week we went out walking a few times and we had a lot of  really good conversations... the first of these included you spotting theses shoes

you told me with no reservation that these were wedding shoes...you said "these are really perfect because of the jewels"... then you asked if you should buy them now to give to your wife on your wedding day. I almost let you because how sweet is that? I realized that we wont know her size of shoe until you meet her though so no shoes. I couldn't believe how thoughtful you have become...not to mention romantic!
The next day we walked again and this time you talked a lot about your house...the one you going to have when your married. This house is going to be bigger than the first united Methodist church in downtown Salem as we passed it you said "my house is going to be like that building...except bigger and taller it will have fountains in all 6 bathrooms and a large pool upstairs" "to keep all the kids quiet" I had to ask if  a life guard was going to keep them safe as well because drowning is not a great way to keep children from making noise. you said " its going to be a big pool momma with not very much water in it...not very full? you know so no one can die in there." I ask how many kids your having and you said "two the first time then one and then maybe two again" I said "twins? you want twins first then one baby then twins again?" and you said "actually I want ten twins...and like a hundred kids" I said "you wife is going to be one special lady to give you all those kids..." you said " not all at once momma they will come out at different times" as if to intimate that any woman even remotely interested in birthing ten sets of twins and a hundred other children would only be special if they all came out at once. I am of course laughing at this point and you ask why...I said "well I am just imagining you with a hundred kids in a pool"... you said "maybe just the ten twins actually"
yeah just the ten twins that is a little more manageable...

Owen you are funny and sweet and loving. You love your brother and soccer and dinosaurs. You love playing with toy guns and making really good shooting sounds. You want to be a scientist. When it is your turn to pick a movie on net flix you always choose an adult documentary about nature or dinosaurs or the way things work.

You also love ice cream...who doesn't?

I think you will make a fine papa and scientist someday. You make me smile. You are wonderful.
Love Momma

Henry 14 months

Dear sweet Henry,
You are a busy baby. I know all babies are busy at your age but you seem to out do them in some ways...you are very verbal and you chatter all the time...you say a few things that we really understand as well. you say "Oweh" which is Owen. You say Momma and Papa as well just not as often. You can say "more" and "boof" which means dog or animal(you don't seem able to differentiate between animals at this point so they are all boofs). You also say "oh wow" and "wow wow"(which are your Papa's and my favorite things to hear...so funny) and you sign the word  please.

 You eat a ton and you still like almost everything we give you but you are becoming slightly more discerning in your tastes(beans are out now as is frozen corn).
You learned to walk about two weeks ago(13.5 months) and you enjoy carefully walking places. You are still obsessed with stairs and would climb them all day if allowed. I love how smart you are...you have totally mastered cause and effect and I love to watch your little brain work. You learned to give raspberries the other day on our tummy's and faces and you think it is hilarious(we think so too). You are a climber you love to climb the trunk behind our couch and then onto the back of the couch and then down onto the couch then to the floor and then back again. You love your brother and love to have people sit on the floor with you while you play and dance and putsy around.

You are sweet as can be and love to give us all loves-you put your little head on us and hum while you hold on to us-it is the very most precious thing you do. You also hold your hands above your head when we say "how big is Henry?" and then we always say "soooo big" and then you drop your hands... its better than cute .

 You do a few things I am not the fondest of...things like demanding holding when it is impossible for me to hold you and  throwing huge tantrums. When you are angry you like to bang your head against anything you can find...the floor, my face, the couch...and then you cry harder because you have hurt yourself...its sad and frustrating and funny all at the same time but I could definitely live with out you doing that. You have a strong sense of what you want and sometimes those things just don't line up with reality...your learning though and we love you through it all because your you and we cant help loving you sweet boy.

 I cant believe how fast this last year has gone by...seeing you walk around is just crazy. We love you more and more each day and love to watch your personality come out in all that you do. I am a very luck lady to have two such wonderful sons. I am glad that you are mine.
love Momma

Rejoice

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand. Do not be anxious about anything,but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, what ever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.Philippians4:4-8  

Getting Grace...teaching them about it

Today on facebook I read an article about a Dad who mistreated his child in public and a blogger who was angry enough to write a 3 page entry about the subject of "breaking your child". It made me sad. Not just the part about the mistreatment of children(tho that makes me very very sad) but because-well-I guess what it boils down to is That I believe in Grace. Grace given to us by God when we are at our worst and Grace extended by us to those around us when they are at theirs.

I hate when I make mistakes in parenting. When I yell at Owen or become frustrated with Henry I feel horrible. I hate when those things happen...but happen they do. Sometimes they even happen in public. I wish I were perfect and that I didn't ever feel the sinful need to be selfish and want things my way. I wish I never thought that my needs were more important than my kids needs and that I alwys was able to parent out of love... but that just isn't me...and it isn't you either regardless of what you may think. Not many of us can say that we have never had a terrible sinful moment where in anger we sinfully parented our children. I know I cant at least...

I also know that by the power that raised Christ from the dead I am able to obtain forgiveness when I sin against my children. I ask the Lord to forgive me then I ask my child to forgive me. Then I use the whole mess to teach my willing, eager sponges about the most beautiful gift we are all given...Grace. I tell Owen all the time that I need Jesus too. That I also have a hard time with my attitude and that I need God to forgive me and renew a right spirit within me. I tell him that God is faithful and that he shows his children mercy when we ask forgiveness and that he gives us Grace for free as a gift. I teach him these things after I sin against him so that he can see Christs redemptive work in my heart and life and so when it comes time for him to get some Grace he will know how to ask for the same. So he will understand that God will not disappoint. So that he too can know that God does truly make beautiful things out of us...that He even uses our sin to show us His love, His power, and His Grace. How amazing is that?

So if you see me in the store check-out yelling at my children(oh how I hope you never will) please stop and pray for me...that I will realize my sin quickly and repent even faster...get the Grace I need to survive...and please everyone lets give each-other a tiny fraction of the Grace God gives us and try not to judge to harshly. Just so you know MG tells me this all the time... as I too often forget to give others the Grace I so dearly love

And from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace
John 1:16


For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified by His Grace as a gift, through the redemption the is Christ Jesus, 
Romans 3:23-24

Pinning Success!

I pinned something on pinterest and made it and it was good...more than good it was heavenly. I caught Mg packing some up for his lunch this morning and he told me he woke up several times in the night thinking about eating it again... so here it is.
Reeses cheesecake brownies
Seriously guys this one is beyond amazing...be sure to make it for a lot of people because it is dangerous to have in the house...in fact I here it calling to me now...I can not resist.

Owen the scientist

Me: Owen let me check to see if your teeth are getting loose...
Owen: Ok any falling out?
Me: no...thank goodness...I love you tiny teeth.
Owen: when the teeth fall out I am going to collect them all.
Me: no. no your not.
Owen:: yes I am I love those teeth.
Me: Maybe we can make a time capsule for teeth and bury them in the back yard.
Owen: can we dig it up?
Me: nope once they are buried they are gone.
Owen: no way I want to look at those teeth everyday.
Me: maybe you could look at them for a day after they fall out then bury them...?
Owen: I really want to collect those teeth... I love teeth mamma.Me: maybe you can become a dentist and look at teeth all day long.
Owen: no mamma I am going to be a scientist and I am going to collect teeth... Because my mamma wont be around.
Me: fits of laughter...I will always be around and I will never let you collect teeth.

Phone dump

I think it's time to do a phone photo dump. So here are some of the things that have brought me joy in the last couple weeks that I have captured with this little device of mine.



Little artist



Tiny eggs from my moms tiny bantem chickens

Cousins playing in their jim jams






Menu planning



Tiny hands



Lovey city



Morning coffee and cookies for special breakfast treat



Milk shake sharing



Little climber... Maybe he is part goat...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Cherry Blossom Time...again

It was time to hit the cherry blossoms at the capitol mall again so this year we went with our friends(and neighbor) Angela and her precious son Bennett...(you can check them out here at Little Bird if you want to see more of B's adorable face) because we didn't want to wait until after MG got off work and risk loosing our only chance at sunshine...
It is 90% chance of rain for the rest of spring practically.

They really are so lovely.

Super Hank flying through the blossoms.

Sweet big baby growing way too fast...

Brothers 

My two littles with cute(and very edible) Bennett.

And here is another sweet boy who just wont stop growing
despite my constant recommendations that he do so 

So big and still so little...
I really adore him.

Our state Capital...
where MG works
and where the Cherry blossoms abound.

Say fair well because we may not
have sun again for weeks.