Parenting and Stuff About It.

It seems like every single decision a parent makes these days is under scrutiny with multiple people debating its merits and scientific validity. Everyone has opinions on child rearing and how it should be done... even those without children.

Yesterday I took Henry to the naturopath for his eczema... and the man seriously wasted the entire appointment lecturing me on sleep training and on all the ways I was doing it wrong...And I thought "doesn't he understand I am doing what I think is best and that I am not an idiot? That I have spent loads of time and energy researching this thing and I am trying my best here?"

I am a mother and I have loads of opinions(I'm sure you never noticed) I rarely blog about my parenting style as to avoid any unwanted attention or even worse... advice(ahem that's for you Mr. naturopath)... But I want to shine a light on some of the things that we moms have to think about and some of the hard choices we make to do what is best for each of our children and why some of us may even seem a little crazy with our endless opinions...

It all starts at birth...no...wait...it all starts before birth when we find ourselves pregnant and have no idea what to do about it.

Do we use an obgyn or a midwife? Hospital, birth center,or home birth? Pain meds or not? What kind of prenatal vitamins are best? What can I eat? How should I really prepare my home and heart for this new life...can I?

Then after birth: Delayed cord clamping or right after birth? Circumcision or not?  Vaccines or not?  Which vaccines? When will they be given? Will you breastfeed or bottle feed? And what on earth do you do about all the crying? Swaddle,swing,shush, baby wear? All of the above?

Cloth diapers,seventh generation or pampers?

Will you co-sleep or use a family bed approach or will your babe use a crib in their own room? When will you sleep train or will you sleep train at all? Will you help your baby sooth them-self during nighttime wakings or leave them to learn that lesson for themselves?

Pacifier or no? Which kind and for how long will you allow it?

When do you start solid food and what kind of feeding system will you use? Will it be baby led weening or purees for your babe? Will you hand blend all organic veg and fruit or buy the jars?

When will you potty train and what kind of system will you use for that?(oh yes there are multiple systems for learning to use the toilet)Will you wait till the child is 3years old and he just figures it out, or do a fast paced 1 week program at 20 months?

What kind of discipline will you employ? What will guide your choices on how to help your child learn appropriate behavior but also teach them to love Jesus and learn to obey out of a heart of love?

What kind of education will they have? Public school, private, christian private, or home-school?...Or un-school for that matter?

Will you celebrate Halloween or not?

Will they be allowed to watch TV? How much and what types of shows? Can they play video and computer games? How often and what kinds are age appropriate?

Makeup or not?

 Guns or no guns?

How much time should they spend in extra curricular activities and how much with friends out side the home?
When will you give the talk about sex... and what will you say/what resources will you use so that they will understand the sacredness of it but not be naive to realities of this world at the same time?
When will they be allowed to drive? To date?(help me Lord),
What kind of college will you encourage? Community,state, private,distance learning form home?
Will the kids be allowed to live at home through out college? For free or will they pay rent?

Theses are all I can think of  right this second and that is honestly just scratching the surface of the ice burg. Moms(and Dads) have a lot of things to think about when it comes to their kids and how they should be brought up... It is hard to remember that not everyone shares my opinions on any number of these things... I know that lots of these are hot topics... and honestly I am still unsure about 99% of this list and how I will approach the realities of growing boys in my home...

But what I do know is I love them...and I want the very best for them.  I work hard to be present in the little moments of their lives as well as the large milestones, I play with them, and read to them, and hold them when they are hurting(or just anytime). I do my best and I pray for them and for wisdom on how to do the very best I can for them. And at the end of the day that is all I can do.

It isn't that none of the above things are important...they are. Some of them are extremely important. It just isn't important that we all agree on what is right and what is not...It may be better to search diligently and find what is right in your home for each of your own children than to worry about what others are doing in theirs.  People may not understand why we choose to do what we do. That is fine. I will follow the Lord and His plan for my family.
Because lets face it... it is a hard task not to try and convert someone to our way of doing things...and I am no stranger of trying to get someone to come to my side of an issue either...or just ranting about how my way is better-in my head-while your talking about yours...

I will try harder to let people have their own ways  from now on because I like to have my own ways and I hate being told I am "wrong" or not doing whats "right" for my boys. I feel I have learned a lesson about myself and how relentless I can be at times pushing my own agenda...and I will try and remember to let you do your own thing too, with nary an inner rant or any judgment, even.

Body Image... Yikes

I feel like in the last few months the topic of body image has been repeatedly broached in my realm. I live in this land of moms and we none of look the way we once did. Some simply look different no better no worse...others of us look really different (and maybe by societal standards worse) but all of us feel something about how we look. No one is just drifting in a bubble and never-ever thinks about how she is presenting herself to her husband or friends.

That being said I would like to confess what I think about my self. Not because I want to but because the constant bringing up or the topic and pressure in my chest-every time I try to play it cool and pretend I am that girl who doesn't care-lead me to believe that I am being prompted to air my dirty laundry...uhg. this may be hard...

I feel horrible about my body. There I said it. I think about it more than I should and I hate that I care so much... but I do. I am a relativity healthy person...I exercise regularly, eat a diet free of gluten, dairy, and any form of refined sugar. I am good about veggies most of the time and I take my thyroid meds diligently. And yet I am still 50 lbs heavier than I feel is seemly. I have not been able to loose any significant amount of weight since I gave birth to Owen and I should probably give up on thinking I can. not because I am a defeatist but because it might truly not be in the cards for me.

I am constantly feeling like people are judging me and thinking I have "let my self go" I don't know how or why I cant shred the lbs, but I am  actually healthier than I have ever been, I still just look like I just sit and eat  the bon bons all day long. I avoid seeing people from my past because I am horribly embarrassed that I look like this now.

I want desperately to see my body as a useful tool that God has given me to use and not just to be looked at...but guess what it does get looked at...all the time by everyone I know and I feel like they all think I am not trying hard enough. "hey guys I am trying as hard as I can!!!" just in case you wondered

I want to be able to look at each of the body parts that once looked good to me and see them for there intended functions and be able to praise them for the great job they are doing... I want to say "arms you may be chubby but you are so good at holding your children! arms your are professional huggers and I am pleased with you" I want to say to my tummy "you used to be so flat and smooth,now you are round and bear the marks of carrying two babies inside you,well done you, I am proud that you have sacrificed your beauty for anothers life twice and I will bear these scars and this extra flab proudly"  I want to tell my breasts that "even though you were once perky and easy to run with I love you even more now that your saggy and stretched out because you have given sustenance and comfort to my sons...you have allowed them to have the very best nutrition God has to offer a baby and I am pleased with you too". I want to tell my legs "that you are amazing even though your wide and round, you don't have to be sexy to run in your neighborhood or dance in your kitchen with your family for dance party nights...you do theses things superbly (well not the dancing we suck at that but our white girl rhythm is to blame its not your fault)and I am glad you are my legs". and to my whole body"hey gal your husband still thinks your hot and desires you above all others! Who is super excited about that? oh that's right... I AM!!" who wouldn't be.

When will I be able to remember these things on a regular basis? WHEN?! Why do I work my self up worrying about what I perceive others thoughts to be? Why can I not be satisfied with this amazing gift of a useful body that God gave me?

Pray for me that I can be,NO,that I will be. I know that I am "not skinny" for a reason that it is part of His plan for my life...I know His plans are better than mine...but it still hurts that I cant have what I want and that weight has to be an issue. I want to let go of this hurt...this longing for something I do not have and may never get because in its place I am sure I will find a treasure far greater than what I esteem physical beauty to be.
well there it is out there for all who know and love me well enough to read this blog to see... and I feel like I have completed an assignment and I guess that is a good enough reason to push "publish"

This is me 

Now Is The Time

Now is the time to get things done…wade in the water, sit in the sun, squish my toes in the mud by the door, explore the world of a girl just four.

Now is the time to study books, flowers, snails, how a cloud looks; to ponder “up,” where God sleeps nights, why mosquitoes take such big bites.

Later there’ll be time to sew and clean, paint the hall that soft new green, to make new drapes, refinish the floor – Later on…when she’s not just four.”
- Irene Foster

 I read this on a blog I really enjoy. I read then re-read it and thought Ah-ha! This is my struggle right now... this is my predicament. I don't seem to be able to just do the small fun things anymore... if someone asked me "don't you remember what it was like to be a child?" I would say "uh not really". I want so badly for this  season of homeschooling Owen to be joyful and adventuresome. I want to foster joy and a love of learning.  I want to read books and do crafts and bake things for the neighbors. I want to go on long walks and puddle jump. I need to make this time special for him... and for me. Instead I get so caught up in the things that "have to" be done and loose sight of the things that "should be" done.  He is only 4 and he deserves better than I have been giving. He is still a child full of life and curiosity and I have not been able to see it-I have been too focused on the task of educating and I missed the whole point-I see it now and I want to "get things done".

This is my prayer, and if your so inclined I ask that you would pray it for me as well, I hope I can remember it daily.

Father in heaven, Thank you for my lovely family and the beautiful healthy children you have given to me. Please help me to seek your purpose for my every day. Help me to know the things that should be done in this season and to do them joyfully for your glory. Give me wisdom to discern which days should be filled with practical things and which should be used for fun. Help me to understand your plan for this season of our lives and to seek you and and to carry out your will and not my own for this special time in our home. I ask that you would give me a renewed child like joy and that it would be contagious in this house and in our lives. I pray that you would use me however you want and that I would be submissive to your plans for me and for my children.  I pray for these things in the name of your sweet son Jesus.  Amen.
now is the time to get things done

Yucks

I have the full blown prego yucks! I never had morning sickness with my pregnancy with Owen so this is all new and all terrible. I Have been an inch away from loosing it for the last few weeks and now I have. I ask that you pray for me as this seemingly never ending sickness encroaches on my sanity. As I try to care for Owen and make his life joyful in the midst of my misery.
On a side note the midwifes have informed me that feeling this bad is a great sign...that the pregnancy and baby are healthy and that my hormones are doing just what they should be doing... Which is hard to care about when your face is in the toilet(of course I do care it is all I want-and I would suffer a hundred times more for this sprout-but its hard to see the light at the end) So there is my life right now...not sure when I will share again... Probably when my attitude and my tummy are better.
Thanks for your prayers

Funk

SO I have been in a funk all day. I have a bad attitude and I feel tired and grumpy. I am unmotivated to do much of anything. I need some help. What do you do when you just cant seem to get out of the funk? Any bible verses that are encouraging to you? Or any songs that lift your head? Seriously friends I could use any practical advice that you have.
Thanks.