"Soobies"

Owen loves smoothies! Any Kind really, But lately he's been asking for "choclick soobies". I don't blame him at all they are so yummy and my favorite too! Here is the recipe


Chocolate smoothies
An original recipe by Dana Gay
1 cup milk or milk alternate such as almond milk or coconut milk(yum)
1 frozen banana or a not frozen one and add some ice.
1-2 tablespoons cocoa powder(according to taste)
1-2 tablespoons honey(according to taste once again)
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon coconut oil
2-3 tablespoons peanut butter (or almond)
you can always add protein powder if you want... I sometimes sneak a hand full or two of fresh spinach in if Owen decides not to watch. He can never taste the difference.

Answered Prayers

I have had an experience with prayer that I am pretty sure I HAVE to tell you about. I sorta don't want to tell it. I sorta want to keep it for me as my own private gift. But share it I must

I recently asked for Prayer and I want to say thank you to all of you who prayed. For those of you who prayed from far away- with out me even knowing-and for those of you who sat with me and prayed for me, Thank you very much.This is the story of how all that prayer changed my life!

I was at a woman's retreat in January with the wonderful ladies of West Valley Christian Fellowship (our church) Mrs. R and I-along with one other gal-walked along the beach on a cool January evening. We chatted about how we met our husbands and how we raise our children. Mrs. R made a comment about telling God everything you feel just letting Him in and giving him everything (even your anger). she said "it's better to be angry with Him than fake" or something very similar to that.

I had never thought of this before. Don't ask me why but I have never just yelled at God. Maybe I thought it wasn't appropriate or maybe it just didn't occur to me. I have pleaded and cried and begged, I have tried to pray from my own strength. I never just gave Him the real deal. I am not even sure I knew what the real deal was. I don't think I knew how angry I really was. So I never laid it at His feet. I had laid it at M.G's feet and many other peoples as well but never at the place it truly belongs....right at the feet of my Savior.

And so I prayed it out the next morning on the beach. I was brutally honest (not that He doesn't already know) but I told him everything I felt and all the things that were holding me back. I told Him that I want to crawl up into His perfect Daddy lap and I want to feel His perfect Daddy love, but I am so mad! I am mad that I have to deal with my mind constantly swinging between high and low. I am mad because I cannot be the kind of wife and mother I feel like HE wants me to be. I am mad that He chose me to have this struggle, that I don't understand why I am going through this. I said "I don't want to be crazy any more Daddy and only YOU can take this away". I asked for God to heal me from Bipolar I asked that if that was not His plan that He would show me what was. I cried so hard thinking about my life and how different I wanted it to be. I didn't want to be crippled with depression and anxiety. I didn't want to live in fear of another uncontrollable swing in my mood. I wanted to live with His perfect peace.

Then I went inside and we all prayed together.My request for prayer was that I would be at peace and have wisdom and understanding in my current situation... Mrs.R prayed that I would be healed from my Bipolar too! (as if she knew exactly what I had already prayed). The Lord knew what I wanted (needed) and He layed it on her heart as well. She prayed I would have a ceiling and a floor and walls around all my emotions and that I wouldn't be able to go outside that range. As she prayed I could physically feel fear and burdens being taken from me.

I felt completely new when her prayer was finished but wasn't sure what to make of it. So....I cried. And I just kept praying the same words Mrs.R had, that MY prayer would be answered.

And it was.

I have not had any depression or hypo-mania since (I would have had at least 2 swings with the way the disorder usually manifested its-self). Even my psychiatrist said that I was no longer Bipolar. I have had good days and bad ones too but I feel normal...which is such a relief and a gift.

So I am in neutral now. It sounds weird to say it but with out the identity of "crazy" that I carried for so long I feel kinda lost...? I really haven't been given anything else yet. I mean I have other identities in life but they are all external like mother and wife. I am waiting for a new internal identity to replace "crazy" So I am just learning how to find joy-the things that really brighten my day and make me see God- and praying for new direction for my heart.

I-for the first time in a long time-feel hope. To be honest I don't know if I have ever really felt it before. I now know that my future is BRIGHT when for the longest time all I could see was darkness.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
Psalm 139:11-12

Spring is upon us once again

In the few days between flu's we went down to the Salem Capitol Mall and walked around to see all of the pretty cherry trees in bloom.


We take pictures here every year

Owen in his super rock star sun glasses on a cloudy day.

It signifies the beginning of spring for me when the cherry trees start blooming on The Capitol Mall.

M.G and I like to take the pictures where one of us holds the camera... it's a good angle for me.

Owen has been really into getting his picture taken lately which is a nice change.

I think he is a very handsome young lad

I love how affectionate he his now. He tells me all the time "I am so glad your here momma" and is always ready to give me a love.

I don't know why but I LOVE the cherry blossoms maybe because they are so delicate and they smell so sweet. Maybe it's how the smooth pink flowers contrast against the knotted brown trunk of the tree.

I love how they fall to the ground in individual petals and cover the dark gray pavement with their soft icy pink blanket that moves and shifts in the breeze.

Sick Time

For the last 2 weeks I have been ill. First I got the dreaded stomach flu then I quickly caught a cold flu and was down for the count again! It is so frustrating for me when I am sick. I hate asking M.G to stay home to take care of Owen and me and I hate feeling like I am going to die every time I attempt to walk to the bathroom and back.
But we made it through it again. M.G is a super Papa and is able to do rad things with Owen while simultaneously taking care of all my sick needs. I read a great book and slept for about 3 days straight.


A voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers was great!

M.G kept the streams of O.J, Emergen-C and water flowing constantly

The boys reading King Bidgoods in the bathtub. Love them!

Now I am in the clear and ready to start back in with life.

Happy B-Day M.G and Gramps!

This is my big wonderful Family all in my tiny house. We celebrated my Grandpa's birthday along with MG's. Owen has two cousins Dagny and Mia who are both awesome kids! They love to play together. Its really fun when we all get together to watch everyone's personality shine. We ate Gluten free pizza(and regular pizza) and home made ice cream and hot fudge!


The Birthday Boys (men)

Grampy and Owen taking my picture

MiMi helping uncle M.G

My Sibs Lindy and Devon

My sexy birthday Man!

My Mom and My Mark

My Grams and Gramps (a.k.a G.G and G.G.P)

My Bro Devon and sweet Dagny

Sometimes the whole week passes and not much happens. I felt exsausted all week long and couldn't pull myself together. My whole body ached and I am pretty sure I was running a temperature all week.
I felt like a failure of a mother because I was unable to keep up my normal level of activity. Playtime's were held in bed or while laying on the couch. We read 10,000 books and played airport on momma and papa's bed.
We did have one major outing to Trader Jo's and "big pop-pop's" (my Dad) cafe. but other than that we layed really low.
Tonight was the first night all week that we were all home before Owens bed time and I was just realizing how much I miss the nightly tubby and worship sesh in the bathroom.

Please dont judge the grout. The bath tub was not high on my list this week.(or ever by the looks of it)

I love listening to M.G play the guitar and sing.

It almost always turns into all of singing together and ending the day with worship (no matter how hard that day was).

Running week 3

OK its going to sound like I haven't been keeping up on my goal to run 4 times a week... because...well I haven't.

I decided that 3 times a week is a much more manageable number but if the opportunity presents itself I will do 4.

Also the old injury in my ankle is a persistent issue even with the use of the brace I feel the pain after each run.

That all being said, I made it out three times last week but only ran twice.

The second run of the week was by far the best I have done in years, 2.5 miles in 30 minutes flat! OK so not fast... at all. But hey 2.5 miles all run no walk...I will take it and sing at the top of my lungs about it!

On my third time out my ankle was so extremely sore from the previous days victory run that I had to walk. I went with a good friend who also had an injury she was nursing so we did three miles of walking plus the 2 miles I walked to get to her house and back (4.5-5 miles total).

All in all not a shabby week. I will be hitting the road again tomorrow afternoon if all goes according to plan (today I was down with some stomach issues).

Afternoon delight

Some afternoons just call for a little treat



Oh delicious Gluten Free brownies how I love and appreciate you.
These are Bobs red mill GF brownie mix brownies. I added the chocolate cream cheese frosting to them because I love frosting and it makes everything even more amazing.



To make:
~One package Bob's Red Mill brownie mix (available at life source and Fred's-for those of us here in Salem- or whole foods for everyone else)
~Instead of using a large rectangular pan I use a small square one. this makes the brownies more cake like ( which is good for frosting)
Cream Cheese Frosting:
~One 8 ounce package cream cheese
~One stick butter
~One average size bag of confectioners sugar
~1/4-1/2 cup cocoa powder
~1 tsp vanilla
Cream the butter and cream cheese together until smooth and as fluffy as possible
add the sugar small amounts at a time
when sugar is incorporated add cocoa and vanilla
* if you need to you can use a little milk to thin out the frosting.
ad sugar
** Sorry about the measurements being a bit vague I made this up myself and I never measure any of it... so you can play around with the amounts of things and make it your own.
***This is a great cream cheese frosting too just omit the cocoa and there ya go.

Running week 2

To ease the aching swelling ankle.


This week I only mad e it out 3 times. I wanted to hit the road again yesterday but an old ankle injury has flared up and I am still breaking in my new brace. I am going to have to wear the brace every time I go out form now on so I don't hurt myself any more than I already did.

I originally was using this couch to 5k method that works really well to get you into the swing of things. Then one day last week I wanted to see how far I could go if I didn't stop to walk after 90 seconds. So I just kept running. I ran for 25 minutes! So now I am running to certain distance points to see how far I can makes it with out stopping.

I have been really enjoying the outdoors and remembering the old days- before Owen- when I used to run all the time. Now I have the best of both worlds awesome kid in the bright green monster(stroller) and the great outdoors expanding in front of me as my feet once again hit the familiar pavements of Salem Or