A passion realized.

Wow...two posts in one day... not something you see here too often.

I just wanted to record an amazing experience that I had recently and how it brought me to a new realization. My good friend payed me the honor of letting me be her doula at the birth of her first born child. It was a beautiful experience. I felt like I was fulfilling a purpose I didn't  know I had. I think about that very speedy delivery everyday and thank God that He allowed me to be there and to realize my obsession with birth is really more of a passion. And that He gave it to me. This is a big deal for me.

Now I am not a doula...not a certified one but I LOVE birth. I hated birthing but I love birth. I love babies and women and the fact that our bodies are designed to bring life into the world. I love the idea (and now the practice) of helping women enjoy that experience no matter what it looks like for them. Birth should be celebrated and remembered fondly because it is the day you meet one of the most important people in your life. So weather you have an all natural birth or a c-section I think it should be remembered with satisfaction and love.

That being said...I would love to be a doula someday...a real one... who is certified. But not today. I almost signed up for a class recently... I want to be able to support women in birthing the way they choose to... and I want to do it real bad.
I also just have this   feeling   that now isn't the right timing for me. Our finances are tight and the class is spendy... Also there is just something (and I cant quite put my finger on it) that seems like this is just the wrong time...? I know that God gave me this passion so I am not doubting that I will do this...just wondering when.
It's sad when a dream is put on hold especially if you have been waiting a long time to ever even have one. It is also good to know that your dream will be realized...in God's timing There is comfort in that even if it lives  among the longing.
At another time-His time-I will jump head first into this dream. I Loved being able to help someone-in any small way I could-do birth the way they wanted. I don't know why I love birth so much...I feel like I didn't choose it I feel like it was chosen for me and I just can't shake it... and I am excited about that because for a long time I have wanted and prayed and longed for a passion.

Not in anyway to diminish the fact that I have a passion as a wife and mother that I have grown to love more and more.
I love my family and my role as a wife and mother to my children and I love that my family is my main purpose in life. For a very long time I felt that the Lord was keeping me in the home to bind me to himself and help me to see myself for who he made me to be(and to learn to love it).

I have however for a while now longed for a purpose that lay in helping women in some tangible way as well. I have been praying that God would give me a passion or calling outside the home as well. Now I feel he has and I know that waiting for the right timing may be hard...but it will be good too.
I hope He will empower me to use this passion well for his glory.

The LORD will keep your going in and your coming out from this time forth and forevermore
~Psalm 121:8