Is toilet water really that dirty?

I am sitting at the portland international airport...and I am afraid. I am really struggling to get a grip. I've been scared ever since Sunday when my grandpa Frenchko died and I knew I would journey out to Pennsylvania alone to attend his funeral services.

I have always been mind numbingly afraid of being seperated from my family... It doesn't happen very often so I don't recognize it for what it is very often either...bondage.

I'm in bondage to my fear. I have been up the last two nights too nervous to sleep and too sick to eat the last two days... It's definitely bondage.

What does Beth Moore say? "anything that is keeping you from experiencing the abundant life God has planned for you is bondage"!

Well I'm sad to admit what I fear...but I will because I think keeping it a secret is part of the enemies plan for keeping me terrified. I fear with ever fiber of my being that I will die while I'm gone and never see my family again...never see their sweet faces. Again.





Or that...even worse...they all will die and I will have to live with out them. Crap. It's stupid. I mean it would be sad for either part to loose either party but for me to worry when Jesus clearly tells me not too-not going to site the exact verse but it's something about not doing it and lilies-sheesh.

Mg made me a folder full of essential info for my trip among the flight schedules and what not are two heavy packets of bible verses. One titled for when your afraid. And the other, for when you think about death.

Be still my heart I love that man!!!

I basically have realized that I can and WILL trust in my good God because he has not ever let me down. And that even if he takes me home right this moment...I bet that his face...will be even sweeter than this one. I can breath again thinking about that.


Oh and the toilet water! As I was crying in a bathroom stall after the boys dropped me off (because I already missed them SO much)I finished using the bathroom flushed and then the sweater I brought-the only one i brought because it's hot and muggy like a big bowl of chili back east-the sleeve of it dropped right it to that toilet(I may have said a bad word...loud...maybe). I am just going to wear it in the cold plane anyway. I can shower later.

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