Yesterday I took Henry to the naturopath for his eczema... and the man seriously wasted the entire appointment lecturing me on sleep training and on all the ways I was doing it wrong...And I thought "doesn't he understand I am doing what I think is best and that I am not an idiot? That I have spent loads of time and energy researching this thing and I am trying my best here?"
I am a mother and I have loads of opinions(I'm sure you never noticed) I rarely blog about my parenting style as to avoid any unwanted attention or even worse... advice(ahem that's for you Mr. naturopath)... But I want to shine a light on some of the things that we moms have to think about and some of the hard choices we make to do what is best for each of our children and why some of us may even seem a little crazy with our endless opinions...
It all starts at birth...no...wait...it all starts before birth when we find ourselves pregnant and have no idea what to do about it.
Do we use an obgyn or a midwife? Hospital, birth center,or home birth? Pain meds or not? What kind of prenatal vitamins are best? What can I eat? How should I really prepare my home and heart for this new life...can I?
Then after birth: Delayed cord clamping or right after birth? Circumcision or not? Vaccines or not? Which vaccines? When will they be given? Will you breastfeed or bottle feed? And what on earth do you do about all the crying? Swaddle,swing,shush, baby wear? All of the above?
Cloth diapers,seventh generation or pampers?
Will you co-sleep or use a family bed approach or will your babe use a crib in their own room? When will you sleep train or will you sleep train at all? Will you help your baby sooth them-self during nighttime wakings or leave them to learn that lesson for themselves?
Pacifier or no? Which kind and for how long will you allow it?
When do you start solid food and what kind of feeding system will you use? Will it be baby led weening or purees for your babe? Will you hand blend all organic veg and fruit or buy the jars?
When will you potty train and what kind of system will you use for that?(oh yes there are multiple systems for learning to use the toilet)Will you wait till the child is 3years old and he just figures it out, or do a fast paced 1 week program at 20 months?
What kind of discipline will you employ? What will guide your choices on how to help your child learn appropriate behavior but also teach them to love Jesus and learn to obey out of a heart of love?
What kind of education will they have? Public school, private, christian private, or home-school?...Or un-school for that matter?
Will you celebrate Halloween or not?
Will they be allowed to watch TV? How much and what types of shows? Can they play video and computer games? How often and what kinds are age appropriate?
How much time should they spend in extra curricular activities and how much with friends out side the home?
When will you give the talk about sex... and what will you say/what resources will you use so that they will understand the sacredness of it but not be naive to realities of this world at the same time?
When will they be allowed to drive? To date?(help me Lord),
What kind of college will you encourage? Community,state, private,distance learning form home?
Will the kids be allowed to live at home through out college? For free or will they pay rent?
Theses are all I can think of right this second and that is honestly just scratching the surface of the ice burg. Moms(and Dads) have a lot of things to think about when it comes to their kids and how they should be brought up... It is hard to remember that not everyone shares my opinions on any number of these things... I know that lots of these are hot topics... and honestly I am still unsure about 99% of this list and how I will approach the realities of growing boys in my home...
But what I do know is I love them...and I want the very best for them. I work hard to be present in the little moments of their lives as well as the large milestones, I play with them, and read to them, and hold them when they are hurting(or just anytime). I do my best and I pray for them and for wisdom on how to do the very best I can for them. And at the end of the day that is all I can do.
It isn't that none of the above things are important...they are. Some of them are extremely important. It just isn't important that we all agree on what is right and what is not...It may be better to search diligently and find what is right in your home for each of your own children than to worry about what others are doing in theirs. People may not understand why we choose to do what we do. That is fine. I will follow the Lord and His plan for my family.
Because lets face it... it is a hard task not to try and convert someone to our way of doing things...and I am no stranger of trying to get someone to come to my side of an issue either...or just ranting about how my way is better-in my head-while your talking about yours...
I will try harder to let people have their own ways from now on because I like to have my own ways and I hate being told I am "wrong" or not doing whats "right" for my boys. I feel I have learned a lesson about myself and how relentless I can be at times pushing my own agenda...and I will try and remember to let you do your own thing too, with nary an inner rant or any judgment, even.
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