I cannot tell you how quickly this pregnancy has gone by. It feels all so sudden that I am now really pregnant. It seems like time has just flown by...and I am nowhere near ready.
me at 32 weeks
Honestly I don't know what I expected but I guess I thought that because this is the second time around that I would feel ready for what was to come this time. I mean I know what to expect so I should feel ready...right? Not so much.
What I do feel is nervous about unknowns. I have never really been in labour before... I had Owen a little over a month early and he was delivered by C-section when the induction process failed. I am trying it a whole new way this time...as I was not satisfied with the process last time(end result of Owen=awesome but the process...not a fan). I am not using an OBGYN I am using midwives at a birthing center(not a hospital) and I am going to-if all goes according to plan-have a vaginal birth. So all that is new and I have no clue what to expect from that. I find myself wondering how its all going to come together...reading books and researching the heck out of it just to find my self back to square one...no clue what lies ahead.
I also know that having another child in my charge day in and day out will have challenges and obstacles that I am still unaware of. I know its going to be amazing alot of the time but also hard and different. I am not even a professional at mothering the one I have yet so I am unsure of how I will manage two. Point in case: this week Owen drew with crayon(the hardest thing to get out)all over my living room walls-all 4 of them-and fire place. He toilet papered his room and the hall, and he pored watter(inches of it) all over the hard wood floors. He doesn't do this sort of thing often but it takes time to discipline and clean up after these types of messes.
How will I find energy and capacity for this when I am divided?
This is an epic post...sometimes you just have to vent.. I know that having children is a reward from God and that I am truly blessed to have a second little in my belly growing strong and healthy. I know that the Lord will give me the strength to live on and to do his will. I just feel a little bit nervous...I will try and remember what is true. God is good and everything He does is for good even in my tiny life.
me at 32 weeksHonestly I don't know what I expected but I guess I thought that because this is the second time around that I would feel ready for what was to come this time. I mean I know what to expect so I should feel ready...right? Not so much.
What I do feel is nervous about unknowns. I have never really been in labour before... I had Owen a little over a month early and he was delivered by C-section when the induction process failed. I am trying it a whole new way this time...as I was not satisfied with the process last time(end result of Owen=awesome but the process...not a fan). I am not using an OBGYN I am using midwives at a birthing center(not a hospital) and I am going to-if all goes according to plan-have a vaginal birth. So all that is new and I have no clue what to expect from that. I find myself wondering how its all going to come together...reading books and researching the heck out of it just to find my self back to square one...no clue what lies ahead.
I also know that having another child in my charge day in and day out will have challenges and obstacles that I am still unaware of. I know its going to be amazing alot of the time but also hard and different. I am not even a professional at mothering the one I have yet so I am unsure of how I will manage two. Point in case: this week Owen drew with crayon(the hardest thing to get out)all over my living room walls-all 4 of them-and fire place. He toilet papered his room and the hall, and he pored watter(inches of it) all over the hard wood floors. He doesn't do this sort of thing often but it takes time to discipline and clean up after these types of messes.
How will I find energy and capacity for this when I am divided?This is an epic post...sometimes you just have to vent.. I know that having children is a reward from God and that I am truly blessed to have a second little in my belly growing strong and healthy. I know that the Lord will give me the strength to live on and to do his will. I just feel a little bit nervous...I will try and remember what is true. God is good and everything He does is for good even in my tiny life.
Dana you will be a GREAT mom of 2! I didn't know Owen was C-section. I've had 2 VBAC's. YOU CAN DO IT! I'll be praying for you in the weeks to come. ♥ Laurie
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